I'm the type of person who wouldn't care less if I had such a burden on my shoulder, I'd blow the worries away with a smile. I fail a test, smile - I'll do better next time. My brothers and I fight, smile - we'll patch things up sooner or later. Tons of schoolwork pile up, smile - whining wouldn't get me anywhere. I honestly thought I had an immunity to tears already.

Yesterday, however, was very different. I was drowning in a pool of hatred and frustration yesterday. There were many little things I thought I had gotten over running through my mind, that I couldn't help the tears from falling.


"I'm not getting any better."
I know for one that I need loads more practice to get the hang of fencing, but I just get pissed the airhead who (indirectly) keeps rubbing it in. I've gotten over what he said about my getting an allstar already and even resorted to just piss him of more by flaunting my new sabre when I get it. But since the anger was bubbling up, the blade thing together with so many other fouls just aggrevated my hatred (take note, hatred) towards him. He's the reason why I feel like a loser in fencing. Kung hindi ko lang siya kaibigan, matagal ko na siyang kinarate at tinaekwondo. Ano bang ginawa ko sa 'yo at ginaganito mo ako?! I so freakin' hate him.

"Taekwondo is my first love."
Of all the sports I've tried (trust me, they're more than you can count on both hands), I've never had one that actually clicked with me and my energy until I started taekwondo-karate. I've been training for four years, and when it was finally time to get my black belt, I got too lazy to train during the last week of my 6-month wait, and *poof*, no black belt. I never went back to training since. I left the sport with a brown belt in one hand and a wet handkerchief in the other. My best friend had connections to get me in the taekwondo varsity of DLSU through Vlady, but since I've already started fencing, I said no. Vlady even introduced me to the coach already, and I still said no. I let two (technically 3) chances pass by for me to finally get my black belt. Now, I see froshies taking taekwondo for PE and I get frustrated. Did I really make the right choice? Was fencing really worth it (refer to first dilemma)? I made a choice, panindigan ko.

"Maybe some people are my friends only because of my camera."
I won't point fingers, but this is what I've been feeling towards some people. Itapon ko kaya DSLR ko, friends pa ba tayo?

"You're all leaving me."
Madrama as it sounds, it's true - the friends I hold dear are leaving me one by one. Alliv's migrating, David's graduating soon (it's like bidding farewell to a brother), Gazel's graduating soon as well, and I'll never see Apol again after he graduates. I know, as if naman hindi ako gagraduate. It just won't be the same without them. *tear*


I cried a lot because of all of these to my sabre bro, David. He helped a lot and assured me my problems were crap. haha... He said a lot of things that made me feel better, even I started thinking that I was crying over nothing. I don't think I'll be crying over these things any time soon. Thank you so much David! *hugsss*

We went to watch Shio's LSAL after drama mode. Congrats to them, they won! We had dinner in Rap after.

It was also my roommate, Trish, and Ria's birthday yesterday. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Too bad Trish wasn't here to celebrate with us. I met new dormmates too - Ate Doreen, Camae, Faye, Kiel, and RJ.

I watched a friend bag victory, had a great dinner, gained new friends, and most importantly, I started smiling again. This day, however bad it seemed, made way for better things to come - a better understanding, more smiles, and the chance to move on and start over.