Hey there!
Welcome to the tiny place in cyberspace of a girl who blogs her blues away. And well, maybe out of boredom as well.
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the wallflower
Wallflower (wall·flow·er) Definition
One who does not participate in the activity at a social event because of shyness or unpopularity.
A lady at a ball, who, either from choice, or because not asked to dance, remains a spectator.
As the term suggests, I shy away from a lot of things, parties and balls/dances being top 1 and top 2 respectively.
I'm a small girl you won't probably notice in a crowd. On top of that, I'm a natural klutz, the holder of a seemingly record-breaking list of misplaced items, an amateur anything, and an over-thinker who oftentimes lets her head rule her heart.
I'm still normal okay, don't get me wrong. haha... I'm a kid at heart who is easily pleased with simple things. One who carries a pinch of optimism, a tinkling of charm, and loads of laughs. I'm still trying to find my place in this vast expanse, but I'm having tons of fun along the way.
I'll find that light someday, I'm sure! But for now, I'll slow things down a bit and enjoy the ride.
My life's not the most spectacular thing that you'll come across, but it's worth a look :)
my a-z
A aqua B baking, books, broadway C Canon 50D D dancing, David Archuleta, DLSU, doodles, DS Lite E E71, elephants F fencing (foil), Filipina, Freeway G GLEEk H HTML/CSS I - J June 10 K Kamiseta, Kostka QC L Latter-day Saint (Mormon), lime green M Malteasers N Nancy Drew, necklaces O OC P pasta, piano, Psychology major Q Quezon City R - S See's Rum Nougat, shrimp, singing (theatrical amateur), single, sour candies, spicy food, Stitch T taekwondo black belt, traveling, Trumpets Playshopper, turtles U - V - W Walt Disney, Warheads, Wicked (the musical), white thick-rimmed glasses X
This day couldn't be any better - new friends, endless laughs, and more firsts came my way today.
First, there was PHILOPE class. I always thought this subject to be kinda boring, but our discussion a while ago was very interesting. We discussed Thich Nhat Hanh's "The Heart of Understanding". I haven't read the whole book yet (though it's very short), but I can already tell by what I've read so far that it's going to be a good read. Take it from me - someone who has never enjoyed anything related to Philosophy. I'm definitely going to find time to read it.
Second, the Ugly Bag. OH MY GOSH. This bag sooo made my day. It's not an ugly bag as in the bag is ugly - it's named Ugly Bag because it's a paper bag with a handsome face drawn on it that you put over an ugly person's head. After PHILOPE, Jpee gave me the Ugly Bag he had. I love him for giving it to me! I couldn't wait to show my teammates what I had, especially because I always used to crack this joke about how a certain someone would look so much better having a paper bag with a smiley face on him. haha! The things written on the back of the bag are hilarious! The best line on it? "Instantly creates beauty where there is none". haha!
Third, Alliv agreed to train in Ultra after telling me she wouldn't. I was chatting with Arik yesterday, and we promised each other we'd go to Ultra to watch the Sabre team train. Little did we know that Alliv, David, CO, and Shio didn't have any plans of training. Sure, I was with a dear friend and we were to ride with Will going to Ultra, but it wouldn't be the same without them. You can't imagine how happy I was when Alliv agreed to train in Ultra. Finally, time with two of the greatest friends in the world.
Fourth, hitting the gym. In exchange for Alliv's going to Ultra, she talked me in to exercising in the gym. It's the first time in my life that I stepped into our school's gym to actually work out, not because I had an injury. We used the treadmill first. When I got down from the treadmill, I almost collapsed! It was kinda embarrassing because a lot of people saw what happened to me and started to giggle. haha... I used the bike after. The bike was more fun, but a lot more tiring.
When Alliv and I went down to the 8th floor, I took out the Ugly Bag (which I call Sacky) and took everyone's picture with it! haha... I'll post the pictures in Multiply soon.
Fifth, the ride to Ultra. As I mentioned earlier, we rode with Will to Ultra. Will was seated in front (his driver at the wheel), Arik, Alliv, Celina, and I were seated at the back, and Mylo was seated in the trunk! haha... Grabe, kawawa si Mylo. We were all from team Sabre (except Will) which made it even more fun because we're all tight.
Sixth, my first time ever to train in Ultra. I had no plans to train at all, but Alliv and Arik FORCED me to, plus Coach Galo gave me the permission to train there, so I ended up dragging myself to the piste. I seriously had no intent of making a fool of myself there, and I even got a little mad at them. I got dressed, warmed-up, did my footworks, and got my gear. It was my turn with Mylo. Imagine - my first bout ever in Ultra. I was scared to fight her. Thank goodness laughing it off worked. She won, but after that, I thought to myself "hey, that wasn't so bad". I was even looking forward to my next match. Alliv was next, and we had a score of 15-13 in favore of Alliv. The next one was one I was proud of - MY FIRST WIN! I won the bout against a player from UE. I forgot the score though. I couldn't believe my ears when I found out that I won! But what made this bout really special was that Coach Galo was there - coaching me and happy that I won. Ate Marj (Coach Wally's wife) coached me as well. I was sooo happy! The fear had totally left me after that match. I also got two more consecutive matches with two players from FEU. I was exhausted, but not regrets here. It was fun getting hit, just like taekwondo and karate! haha...
Coach Wally had his camera with him too - a Nikon D300. WOW. He was asking me for tips on how to use it, but I didn't know how to because I use a Canon Rebel XTi. I called Will over to take a look at it. It was camera talk for the three of us for a couple of minutes.
After my last match with Celina, I took out the Ugly Bag again and started taking pictures of my teammates and Coach Wally (yeah, he wore it too). And... HAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, it's a secret. Ask me personally and I'll tell you why! haha!
And it's a wrap! I love this day to bits! Thanks so much to Jpee for Sacky, Will and his driver for the ride to Ultra, to Mylo who volunteered to ride in the trunk, to my teammates (especially Alliv and Arik) for forcing me to free fence, to Coach Galo, Ate Marj, and Dino for coaching me, and to Celina for briefing me on the rules. THANKS SO MUCH GUYS! You don't know how great this day turned out because of you! *hugs*
Oh yeah... My Friendster horoscope freaked me out again. Look:
The Bottom Line You are finally starting to connect with someone new on a much deeper level today.
In Detail You are finally starting to connect with someone new on a much deeper level -- this is the start of something very exciting. Today, you have got to do all you can to build on that momentum! Make sure you have at least one conversation with this person, just to keep that connection alive and well. An email will do the trick, so don't worry about trying to track them down on the phone or face to face. Just touching base will remind them of your place in their life.
SSB = Single Since Birth NBSB = No Boyfriend Since Birth TIIS = T.I. (sorry, bad words) I'm Single
Are you one of us?
It never was like me to blog about my love life. Sure, I'd tell people about it if they'd ask, but I'd leave it at that. Just a few minutes ago, I was reading my best friend's blog. By the looks of it, typing what she felt took a load off her chest, so I thought "hey, this might be fun".
I don't know if this is the effect of listening to too much depressing love songs or watching the video "Because I'm A Girl" by Kiss, but I'm going to do something I've never done in a long time (or at all) - blog about my feelings.
Mind you, this entry is spontaneous. I'm going to type the first thing that comes into my mind.
Okay, here goes.
I found this while looking through all the unpublished entries in my account. It was made 11/28/07. Have a look:
*start*
THEM:"Anong nakita mo sa kanya?!" ME:"Hindi ko alam eh. I wish I knew."
It's kinda funny actually - how I'd flash a silly grin each time I'm asked that and still don't know what to answer.
It's weird how I'd like someone who was the total opposite of someone I'd consider my ideal guy. Come to think of it, what did I see in him?
I'm sure it was nothing physical - 100% sure (Have you seen droopy? Yes, the dog.) of that. He's a gentleman, but so is every other guy I'm close to. He's a great ************ (sorry, it'd be super obvious if I put it here), but like one of our coaches said, I am rin namanah. ****** is a great ************ too (man I'm sick of all these asterisks), but it never even crossed my mind to see him as crush material (at least not to me).
Truth is, I really wish I knew why I'm so attracted to this guy. I oftentimes always make fun of him (bad Jenn) and try to oversee the good in him, but it doesn't seem to work. Instead, I find myself scribbling drawings of him in my notebooks, anticipating the next time I'd see him again, and worse, putting things like "even if you don't have the most captivating smile, the most promising eyes, or a winning smile, I'D STILL LIKE YOU ANYWAY" in my planner.
I don't wanna get all cheezy (big no no), so I'll stop now. haha...
Funny noh? Haaay puppy like talaga.
*end*
I can't believe how silly things things like that change in as short as two month's time. I haven't been making such a fuss about his looks or the way he talks, I've gotten over my suspicions of him being gay, I've been referring to him by his real name (not nener anymore), and I've actually been owning up to the fact that I like him. Things have started to get so much better between us lately too, and I mean so much better.
However, it's at this point that I've got to remember the one thing I've always held true - hindi kami bagay. I mean it when I say he's being nice because we're friends. Seryoso, wala lang talaga yun. He really is a nice guy. I'm happy that we're friends and all, but I never hoped for anything more than that. When asked about what I'd do if he courted me, I'd always answer no. Why? We're from two separate worlds. And DUH, as if naman mangyayari yun diba?! Feeble possibilities are dangerous things which are not meant to be pondered on. You might hurt yourself.
But hey, I never said I wish it wouldn't happen though.
Honestly, I want to go on and on, but there are things that I can't manage to spit out. Or maybe it's just because I'm sleepy.
Anyway.
I think know I'm gonna regret making this entry one day. If you're not my best friend, please do not remind me that I made this. I feel embarrassed as is just typing all this nonsense.
My supposed day to just clean my teammates' blades (I just felt like it, you know me), watch the newbies train, and wait for my dad to pick me up turned into a very, very pleasant surprise.
I started my day pretty okay. I was able to fix my hair properly, felt comfy in my clothes, didn't have to wear contacts, you know - all those shallow reasons. I was a bit late for class, but I finished my work in time. I even considered it to be a job well done! I went back to the dorm to pack my stuff and tidied my room a bit lot. It was already 3 something when I finished, so I went to the Sports Complex to clean Shio's blade as promised. I really wanted to clean it anyway. It looked almost new when I was done with it (maybe I should do this to earn cash? hmm...). They had to go to Ultra already, so I was left with Arik. I cleaned his blade too because I still felt like using the Singer oil and the Scotch Brite. haha...
Arik and I were supposed to have a snack somewhere, but then we saw Will. It was then that I decided to go to Ultra, but Arik didn't want to go, so it was just me and Will. I went to get my stuff in the dorm and we were off. Will had his driver pick him up. We were going to make a quick stop in his house because he had to get his stuff. It was no short ride from Taft to Antipolo, plus the traffic made the trip there seem even longer. I didn't mind though, it was great chatting with Will all the way there. After he got his stuff, we dropped his driver off somewhere and went straight to Ultra because we were already an hour late. When we got there, we tried to close the trunk of the car he brought (it wasn't the CRV), but it wouldn't close! haha... It just kept bouncing up and down so we left it when it looked almost closed.
I watched my teammates train. Umm... That's it. I'm skipping all the details. *wink*
Thanks for the ride to Ultra, the stories, and for helping me carry my stuff Will! Thanks teammates for being there because I missed you guys so much! Thanks for the ride home David!
I'm sorry for how narrative this entry seems to be. I skipped on many of he details because... I dunno, I just want to. I'm still short for words at the moment, too stunned to speak I guess. If you're my friend, you know why. *wink*
Finally! We have broadband at home already! *very, very big smile*
I just felt like blogging today, but there really isn't much to blog about. I had a really boring day, and this internet connection might be the only thing that made this day worthwhile.
I could also do other things like play another Nancy Drew game, but I might get too hooked on it that I might not want to go to the team building tomorrow. I want to play with my Nintendog, but it doesn't want to learn tricks for this day anymore. I"m too lazy to upload pictures and I'm not in the mood to log-on to Facebook either. Grr... I feel so sabaw today, sorry. haha...
Anyway.
I finally decided to go to the team building tomorrow. Now what I have to worry about is how to get to Taft before 8. I can always commute, but being the lazy bum that I am, I don't want to. haha... I could go with David, but he has this YFC thing, so he's going in the afternoon. Pwede rin kay Will, but he has this photo seminar to attend in Shangri-La. If I want to go with the rest of my teammates, I can ask Dino if I could hitch a ride with him, but I'm too shy to ask. We're not that close eh. I guess I'm left with commuting then. Aww...
I hope this team building's going to be much better than the last one. Hopefully, more of us will come along.
Person #1: crushie (refer to the last paragraph of THIS ENTRY)
Trish, Ana, and I were in the EGI lobby on the way to class when I saw a familiar figure. I looked closely and oh my gosh - it was crushie! He looked the same, still with that charming smile flashed on his face. Seeing him was enough, but his saying "Hi!" to me really made my day!
Person #2: Gazel
I haven't seen Gazel in school since this term started, and I missed her loads! I was supposed to meet Alliv in the Sports Com., and I saw Gazel on the 9th floor. Finally, I saw her around campus. We saw Joyce downstairs who joined us for lunch. Gazel and I watched Joyce and Alliv train then left just before 6 because I had to go to class and she had somewhere to be.
Person #3: Kitten
It's been a long time since I last had a real conversation with her. Good thing she's my classmate in OBLICON. The hour and a half we spend in this class seems to take forever to be up, so Kitten and I paper chat all the time. I had my DS Lite with me today, so we were playing with my Nintendog and used the Pictochat feature to conserve paper and save the trees! Hurray for us! haha... It was fun and it really helped burn the minutes.
Person #4: Elvin
If it's been a long time before I got to talk to Kitten again, it's like ages with Elvin. I saw him in Miguel Walk after OBLICON and caught up on each other's stories. He also showed me the picture of his girlfriend who looks like Vanessa Hudgens! haha...
I had a very short chat with him a while ago. Umm... Just that. haha... I'm still hoping he isn't gay. And why call him "nener"? It's CO's fault! haha...
Oh yeah, I want to share with you this clip I found in YouTube. This adorable little girl named Connie Talbot auditioned for "Britain's Got Talent" at six years old. Would you believe that - 6 years old! She sang in front of Simon Cowell (American Idol judge) and he thought she was fantastic! She brought tears to the eyes of one of the judges. I couldn't help but cry too when I heard her sweet voice. I sooo love this kid. You gotta watch her sing, she's amazing!
Cute isn't she? If you enjoyed that, you should watch her perform in the SEMI-FINALS and the FINALS. There's more videos from her album HERE.
I also managed to finish "Nancy Drew: The Curse of Blackmoor Manor" today. I've always thought Ethel Bossiny was the culprit, it never crossed my mind that it would be *no spoiler available*. I enjoyed this one because it had a nice story, it really made me think, and even tempted me to search for the game guide online. haha... The previous ones were easy. I hope I'll enjoy the next one, "The Secret of the Old Clock" just as much. It's based on the first Nancy Drew book ever published, one of my faves too. When I get home, I'll install it right away!
The fencing team's going to have another team building this Saturday and Sunday. It's so soon and I found out only yesterday. I'm not sure if I'll be able to go, or if I want to go at all. I mean, I could just stay at home and play Nancy Drew! haha... Going or not would really depend on who'll be there. If Alliv, Gazel, Joyce, Nickee, and David are going, I might go as well.
I'm feeling so much better now. I trained until 5 a while ago with Joyce, Nickee, Patty, Sir Jec (emphasis on the Sir!), and the two other guys whose names I forgot. There are two new people who tried out too - Carry and Jonathan. Carry's really nice, and I can tell she'd do really well in the epee team. Ganda ng hawak niya ng epee! David was training Carry, so Jec trained me. He teaches so well, and I think I actually got may parry-ripostes right. I want him to teach me all the time! Arik was there too. He watched us train played with my Nintendog, Jelly. After, it was super kwentuhan with Joyce and Nickee until 7! haha... I had a really fun time talking to them.
stuff to remember about this day: * Joyce's touche pad, "POINT-CHING" * Nickee's name with her ka-loveteam, "JOKEE" * my tandem with Joyce * an old concern once again bothering me * new thoughts of an old issue
And to a certain someone: I'm sorry if my suplada side got the better of me a while ago. I just hate that you keep correcting me when there already is someone to do that. Oo sige na, magaling ka na. I know that. But please, there are times that I just want to learn things on my own, in which case there is nothing you can do except contribute to my big bubble of anger. Put yourself in my shoes - would you really want someone who isn't one you'd consider an authority figure to keep nagging you about your mistakes? To be honest, what you're doing is the reason I feel so stupid. Please, please, please, learn to keep that mouth of yours shut every once in a while.
Enough of that.
I've started to upload overdue photos in my multiply already. I've got a long way to go before I finish everything!
I've also put a new section on the left side of my blog - frolic. This is where I put stuff on my mind. I'll be changing it's content every so often, so keep a close watch on it. This is my new favorite part of my blog! haha... The one currently up is about him (the one I cried about in my previous entry). Read it, it's located above the whispers section, under the wishes section.
Hmm... What else?
I guess that's it. I just wanted to blog. I'm bored! haha... My class isn't until 1 PM tomorrow, so I've got loads of time to kill. Maybe I'll just play Nancy Drew on my DS Lite or read another Nancy Drew book. I never outgrew Nancy Drew, I still love the sleuth's adventures.
I haven't blogged in ages. Though things have gone well since I took a break from blogging, I'd have to say otherwise for the things that have been happening for the past two weeks.
One. I don't know if I'm just wasting my time attending training every Tuesday and Thursday from 3-6. Yes, fencing. I'm giving up on myself already. I've been training for 7 months now, and I don't think I'm getting any better. I can't get my en garde right, my free fencing sucks, and I keep mixing my taekwondo skills with the stuff I'm taught in fencing. Makes me think - do I really know what I'm doing? Also, we're all told to train in Ultra everyday until UAAP, but I don't think I have the right to be there. I'm saving my dignity - I'll look like an idiot training there when I'm doing everything wrong. I'll bring to shame to myself and my teammates. Best not train there for the meantime. With all this said, I somehow find myself to confined to what I believe - fencing is not for me. The words of encouragement I get from my friends don't seem to stick to me anymore. Hmm... Is it because I've been right all along? Geez.
Two. HIM. Yes, a guy is bothering me. I've long been suspecting that he was gay, but still hoped that I was wrong. I hoped that maybe he was just a metrosexual or something. I kept joking to my friends "iiyak ako pag nalaman kong bading siya". Guess what? It came true. Just yesterday, I found out that he is gay. I know almost every guy I ever liked in school is gay and I didn't mind, but this one's different. I can't explain why I likeD him so much, I just do (how much I likeD him is another story though). This is one time I wish I weren't right. Just so things are clear, I wasn't crying because I know I wouldn't ever get into a serious relationship with him (believe me, I knew that from the very beginning). I just didn't want him to be gay. Nanghinayang lang rin siguro. He's not good looking, but there's more to him than meets the eye (yes, for once di ko siya nilalait). This has gotta be my all-time low. Silly me for making such a bad joke.
Three. I can't take in your bossy know-it-all attitude anymore. You know who you are. What's more is that there are others who don't seem to appreciate your terms of endearment very much. Please, try not to come out to strong okay? You're my friend, I wouldn't want something this shallow to ruin our friendship.
Four. Seeing a guy fall out of a girl's flirting prowess ONCE is bad enough, but seeing is TWICE is too much. Don't you think so?
Five. March 17, 2008 is something to celebrate - it would mean I've survived a whole year after my dark ages. Why? Click HERE (March 16, 2007 entry). If you want to, you can read the entries before that too. March 16, 2007 only marked the end of the rumors, but the things that happened before and on that dreadful day still haunt me every now and then. I'm seriously going to indulge myself in anything I want to eat or buy on this day and let me finally say "it's over". No more paranoia, please?
Six. My COMALGE section was dissolved last week. This is a problem for me because this is a prerequisite to a lot of subjects. I might even have to take summer classes. Delayed, Delayed, delayed (for the second time).
Not everything was been this bad, in fact you wouldn't see a trace of sadness on my face for the past months. I have a new home, I've started attending Institute, I have new friends, and the list goes on. I was just greatly affected by the things that have been happening lately.
I'm sorry for being overly dramatic. I know I promised myself I'd make this year a better one, but maybe I'll have to put that off (again) until... Hmm... Say, next month? -__-" I gotta get back on my feet again.
"Failing is not is falling down - it's in not getting up at all." -Deep Within (a song from Trumpets' The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe)
I know I'll get through this. I've got my loved ones nearby, what more will would I need?
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