from me to you
Hey there!
Welcome to the tiny place in cyberspace of a girl who blogs her blues away. And well, maybe out of boredom as well.
How on earth you found your way here may be intentional or completely random, but you're welcome to look around either way.
The navigations are on the ribbon. Just click on them to get around the page. Please do leave me a message on my tagboard so that I know you dropped by.
Thanks and enjoy! :)
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the wallflower
Wallflower (wall·flow·er)
Definition
- One who does not participate in the activity at a social event because of shyness or unpopularity.
- A lady at a ball, who, either from choice, or because not asked to dance, remains a spectator.
As the term suggests, I shy away from a lot of things, parties and balls/dances being top 1 and top 2 respectively.
I'm a small girl you won't probably notice in a crowd. On top of that, I'm a natural klutz, the holder of a seemingly record-breaking list of misplaced items, an amateur anything, and an over-thinker who oftentimes lets her head rule her heart.
I'm still normal okay, don't get me wrong. haha... I'm a kid at heart who is easily pleased with simple things. One who carries a pinch of optimism, a tinkling of charm, and loads of laughs. I'm still trying to find my place in this vast expanse, but I'm having tons of fun along the way.
I'll find that light someday, I'm sure! But for now, I'll slow things down a bit and enjoy the ride.
My life's not the most spectacular thing that you'll come across, but it's worth a look :)
my a-z
A aqua
B baking, books, broadway
C Canon 50D
D dancing, David Archuleta, DLSU, doodles, DS Lite
E E71, elephants
F fencing (foil), Filipina, Freeway
G GLEEk
H HTML/CSS
I -
J June 10
K Kamiseta, Kostka QC
L Latter-day Saint (Mormon), lime green
M Malteasers
N Nancy Drew, necklaces
O OC
P pasta, piano, Psychology major
Q Quezon City
R -
S See's Rum Nougat, shrimp, singing (theatrical amateur), single, sour candies, spicy food, Stitch
T taekwondo black belt, traveling, Trumpets Playshopper, turtles
U -
V -
W Walt Disney, Warheads, Wicked (the musical), white thick-rimmed glasses
X
Y -
Z Zours
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Friday, October 31, 2008, 3:36 AM
Hello. I've been really, really upset about something that happened this week. I've never been this mad in my life. Now look, I'm going to be a little mean in this entry, so if you're a fan of peace and forgiveness, don't continue reading. I'll tell you what happened first. My comments will follow. There's this guy who I've known since my early teens. In those teeny bopper days, there was a time that he pulled me to the dance floor and I refused. I also remember the most vile discriminatory comment I have ever heard his friends tell him about me - "mayaman yan, di yan papatol sa 'yo". I HATED his friends for saying such. I hated him even more for being affected. Since then, there's been this wall that I couldn't seem to break. Heck, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to break it at all. We didn't talk anymore after that. After a few years of no talking, however, we started talking again. We talked, but rarely (and I mean rarely). I thought we were okay, friends and all, but we never became close friends. Civil. Then just recently, he asked for my number, so I gave to him. I knew him enough anyway. There was this time that he used a common friend's phone to call me up. Malas lang niya, I was really busy at that time, so I told him to give the phone to our friend and I told my friend that I was not in the mood to talk because I had a lot of things to do. I thought it was over and done with, but then the guy sends me a text telling me that he's sorry he called, not to get mad at him or our friend, and that he'll erase my number from his phone. I replied explaining that I tend to get cranky under pressure, and I'm sorry for that. It was really my mistake, after all. I also told him that I found it rude for him to delete my number just because of that - that was just too exaggerated. I got mad, yes, but I let it go. He apologized again, but I didn't reply anymore. So does it end there? Unfortunately, no. These past two weeks, an unknown number texts me and tells me that he knows me. I knew he did because he knew my name. I was too intrigued not to reply. Then the guy tells me he's a member of our Church, that he's close to me and a common friend, and that he has always liked me. He also asked if I believed him. Of course I said I didn't - I didn't even know who this person was, why in the world would I believe him (hello?!). He also told me that he's going to ask me to dance on the night of the YSA on November 7. I told him that I don't dance socially, just for presentations. This was a lie of course, but wouldn't you lie too if you were creeped-out by an unknown peson who is warning you that'll he/she will ask you to dance in advance? I had a suspicion who this guy was, but I had second thoughts because the guy's number is registered in my phone. He might have changed his number, I thought. This guessing game went on for two weeks until he started telling me things like "pag nakikita kita laging magkasalubong kilay mo" (friends, is this true?) and "nagsusungit ka na eh". I was like, the heck?! I replied with: "Texting does not ever reveal real emotions kaya. Hindi ako nagsusungit, I was just saying na di talaga ako sumasayaw socially... Kaya di dapat dinidib ang mga text eh. Texts can hide or reveal things that people may interpret wrongly. I'm not masungit either, napagkakamalan lang - common misconception. Plus, di pa kita kilala. And I'm not really fond of guessing games. Kaya if you please, tell me who you are or else this is the last text you will get from me. Deal? haha :P"
He didn't tell me who he was and dropped clues instead, so I stuck to my word and didn't reply. I was getting tired of guessing, too. Besides, I didn't think I wanted to find out who this person was anymore. I did intend that text to be a snobbish one, by the way. Then another number starts texting me claiming that she is a friend of Mr. Unknown. I got irritated, seriously. One was enough, two was just too much. She kept calling me, but I don't answer mainly because I was in a meeting, and two, I didn't know her. She later on tells me the name of Mr. Unknown. So, my hunch was right all along - it was *insert name here*. I didn't reply to the texts of either of them and I didn't answer their calls. Then the guy texts me: "Gndng gv, lam q glt k.sowi ha,last txt qn 2 sau kc lm q nku2litn kn skin...Cgro lam mna kng cno aq.Ingtz nlang lgi...^_~, hyaan m eraze q nlang # m sa cp q ul8"
I was like, uhh okay. Bahala ka sa buhay mo.***
So here's what I think about all this: I confused being civil with being friends. We were never friends, only civil to each 0ther. Mere acquaintances. You have known me by face and by name, that's all. You do not base real friendship on those grounds. And where did you get the highly fallacious assumption that we're close?! Some imagination you have there. Wag ka nang mag-ilusyon. We were NEVER close nor were you my friend, for your information. A friend would never do this to me. And after you pulled off this stupidity, we won't ever be. Live with it. Let me repeat, YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND. Being labeled as "masungit" or "suplada" isn't new to me and I don't need you to tell me that AGAIN. I get enough of that from the people in other wards. If not for my friends, I would have believed you people and pitied myself. Thankfully, I have the greatest people in the world to boost my confidence - highly unlike the people you call friends (if you get my point). I don't care what you and your kind think of me. You don't know a thing about me anyway. Oh wait, you know that I am rich and that those "below" me don't stand a chance *rolls eyes in sarcasm*. Pfft. LOSER! As long as the people who matter would stand in defense of me, you could tell anyone something foul against me like enjoying the fresh smell of garbage and I still wouldn't care. Really, what were you thinking? I deal with the worst kind of garbage - people like you. And you don't hear me complaining about it. So what if you're a member (of our Church)?! I DON'T FRIGGIN' CARE. I wouldn't think any more or less of a person if we had the same or totally contradicting religions. What matters to me (and I believe to everyone as well) is how you treat the people around you. If you're nice to me, you're fine in my book. But you?! YOU ARE NOT IN IT. You are not even worthy of being a speck of dust in it. And as for your friends, did any of you even try to get to know me before labeling me with "suplada" or "mayaman"? Of all the kinds of jerks there are in this world, it's those false judges I hate the most. In other words, you AND your friends are in my hate list. You do not assume AND tell someone you like that he/she is irritated by you. In your case, you implied it in your messages. To me, this would only mean that you look at me as one who has temper problems. Do I even need to explain how wrong that is? You know you're pissing someone off, so just reverse what you're doing. But do you do it? No, you don't. Hindi ka na nagpadala.Ang cheap ng approach mo. What's more irritating about your assumptions is that I warned you that I wasn't liking the whole guessing game thing, and you continue to do it. That and your approach as a whole are disturbing. Though I had a hunch who you were, I wasn't sure. You go telling me that you'll ask me to dance and that you like me. Hello?! Didn't you think that that's just freaky? And on top of that, through text?! Oh my, how utterly romantic *rolls eyes*. You must be deranged to think this would appeal to me. And while we're on the topic about your approach, you tell me AGAIN that you'll "eraze" my number from your phone. Nagpapakonsensya ka ba ha? Because if that's what you're trying to do, it's not working. It only aggravated my hated towards you even more. And while we're at it, ayusin mo nga yung pagtetext mo! Ang hirap intindihin.You do not want to upset or disappoint me. Anger will eventually die down, but once you've upset or disappointed me, I don't think you'll EVER rank higher than "dedma". But think of it this way, at least you're in the better ranks of these great *rolls eyes* people. At least I didn't label you "loser" or "jerk". See? I'm NICE *insert sarcasm here*. Oh and as a bonus, I'm mad at you too. So you made me mad AND you upset me. Sweeeeet *rolls eyes*. You need help. Go see a guidance counselor or something. An attitude trainer too while you're at it. PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE IF YOU WILL CONTINUE WITH THIS IDIOCRICY YOU CALL YOUR ATTITUDE. I've had enough of you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you are by far the worst person I've ever met. You and the other guy who did the awful texting thing to me too last summer (you're him part 2). You have been a bigger source of anger than the person who used to bully me a lot in high school. I don't want to see your face that turns sunny skies gray either. You'd brew up a storm if you try to talk to me, so don't. Not now. So if you don't want this storm to involve hail stones I's like very much to throw at you right now, LEAVE ME ALONE. ***
Oh gosh, that felt so much better. I honestly want to kick dirt on this obnoxious git's face right now. Oh wait, why not just kick his face? Right now, it wouldn't be wise of him to show himself to me. But if he continues to be stupid, mapapahiya lang siya. He'd better not dare.
Imagine me getting so mad about this, how much more if it were my boyfriend? haha...
Labels: erase from memory
14 comments
Jenn A.
Sunday, October 19, 2008, 10:07 PM
Let's say your boss told you that 5 months from now, the company will unveil it's biggest, most crucial project ever, and he wants you to be part of the team that will head this oh-so-important project. You have your doubts that you'll be able to pull this off, but in the end, you know you want to do it anyway. Come the end of 3 long months, you feel that you have done fairly well and that you have performed to the very best of your efforts. But then, find out that for their 50th anniversary, your parents plan to go abroad for a while. On top of this, you and your siblings plan to throw them a grand party (sort of like reliving their wedding reception) for them which will be celebrated when they come back. The planning of this party takes up more of your time than you thought, and you realize that you aren't as focused on the company project as you should, but opt to concentrate on what would mean more to you - your parents' happiness. You return to the organization in the company's biggest project as soon as the party thing is over. You think for a while "hey, back to business", but then, a co-worker tells you that she has been hearing that your boss is starting to have his doubts on your performance, and that he might just find someone else to fill in your position. Yes, your boss did tell you that you would be the one for the job, but neither he or you predicted that things would happen between the time he appointed you and the end of 5 months either. People change their minds, after all.
So what do you do?
I don't know either. It's depressing to think that something like this is happening to me right now, and sadly, I have no idea how to turn things around nor do I know if my position is still worth fighting for.
What ever happens, I shall accept. I shall bear no grudges. But what shall happen to my once happy heart, I do not know.
Time alone will tell. Come what may.
Labels: erase from memory, reality check
0 comments
Jenn A.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008, 1:18 AM
Dear you,
You are as real as the keyboard I'm using to type this. It's depressing.
Sincerely, me.
It might have been easier if I never knew you at all. Yes, a lot easier for you to have remained in the huge space you have always had in my imagination. After all, you do play a bigger role there than you ever will in reality. But you are real, and you're wasting away the good part of my imagination. It has always longed to be real too. How dare you.
This shall no longer be discussed.
***
What I mentioned above is not even an quarter of what has been bothering me this week. Heck, it hasn't even bothered me at all. The thought just came into mind, that's all. I am not about to start ranting about any of that though. I want to blog of something I'm really looking forward to - the Potter Project.
I mentioned before that I have a Harry Potter class for my literature elective. Before the term ends, we're supposed to present our Potter Project. Two houses join together and make a full production (just a play and not a movie, I suppose) of the book assigned to them. This term, it's a Gryffindor-Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff-Slytherin tie-up. I'm glad this is how the divisions were made, most of my friends are from Slytherin anyway :D The assigned books are the lat two - Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows. Our tie-up is working on the latter. So many people will diiiiie. I have a feeling those scenes will be amusing. haha...
Some of the roles were assigned already too. Guess who they wanted me to play! Okay, don't - I'll show you:
Luna Lovegoodportrayed by Evanna Lynch, Order of the Phoenix I'm ecstatic that I'll be playing Luna! She's my favorite character in Harry Potter. I want to start rehearsals now! Okay, maybe not now. haha... I'm just SUPER excited about this!
Speaking of Luna Lovegood, I took the Sorting Hat test that I took ages ago again. Just like when I took it the first time, it said Hufflepuff. Since I had nothing better to do, I took some of the other Sorting Hat quizzes. They didn't say the same thing though - ALL of them said Ravenclaw. Hufflepuff's my favorite house pa naman. Oh well, Ravenclaw's my second favorite anyway. I still think I'm with the badgers though :D
Labels: mark my heart, school
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Jenn A.
Monday, October 13, 2008, 12:24 AM
Yes, I have been blogging quite regularly, but there are a lot of things on my mind right now that I refrained from posting until they're settled. I've blogged before about the little bet with a friend about a certain someone I have been in-like with for a year now. I'm still not telling what it is we bet about, but the deadline's been extended to December 25, 2008 (upon my friend's request). Since then, the few who know about it have been asking me if I had already lost. I'd answer the same thing over and over, that nothing is happening and I'm winning that bet. I have always been so sure of my answer to this question, but never about the hypothetical one that would oftentimes follow - what I'd do if I lost. I'd shy away from it if the one who asked didn't push for and answer, but the answer would always be "I don't know" or "sana matalo ako para may challenge" on the rare occasion that I feel ridiculously hyper. I seriously do not know what I'd do if I lost that bet. Also, I read my Friendster horoscope today just for laughs. Seeing "Whether you are prepared for it or not, you will finally get the challenge you have been itching for!" didn't help. The stars are wrong, and I don't think I'll be checking on my horoscope again any time soon. -__-;; The opinions of the two dearest friends I have from Church are the closest thing I could picture out as the right thing to do, for they are the only two people who truly get how complex the situation is. I don't think my friends at school would understand it as much as Kat and Hazel do. Anyway, I was about to tell them something about the bet this morning after the second half of the general conference satellite broadcast when it seemed like the speaker was talking directly to me. It was around 1 in the afternoon yesterday when I heard one of the most beautiful messages ever. I admit that I can't tell by face who the speaker was, but I bet I know him by name, at least. He talked about eternity and the lesser alternatives. I can't remember word per word what he said, but I do remember how clear my mind was of the whole bet thing after the talk. At that moment, it felt as though I'd have an easy answer to "what if you lose the bet?" - no, a frank "no". The advice Kat and Hazel gave me fell perfectly into place, and I'm thankful they said what they did. I know that feelings like this might not last long, so I'm writing this now to in a way keep things fresh when I look back and read this. Though I still can't say for sure what I'd do if (take note, if) I lose the bet, I know I'd be more confident of the answer I'm supposed to give. I'll post the talk here when I get a copy of it so you can have a look at it too :) Labels: church, horoscopes, reality check
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Jenn A.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008, 11:27 PM
I know it's a tad too late for this, but Happy Birthday Nickee Sy! Last Thursday, she treated the team to Yellow Cab, a tradition in the team that hasn't been carried on that much since most of the older fencers left. haha... I miss the tradition, that's why I chose to relive it during my 19th. Thank goodness someone followed :) There weren't a lot who came because the others were in class or trained at Ultra, but everyone (and I mean every single customer) in Yellow Cab that night was there because it was someone's birthday. Would you believe that there were three birthday celebrants that night? It was hilarious when everyone sang Happy Birthday at the same time! It was as though Yellow Cab was closed for one party. Thank you again Nickee!
Nickee at 19 click HERE to view more pictures
There's another dear friend of mine celebrating his birthday today - Paolo Fermo! Happy, happy birthday my dear Kuya! He's been telling me that he has been very happy these past days, and I know why ;) I know that "happy" won't fit how he truly feels with the way things are going right now especially with that *ehem* special someone in his life, and I couldn't be happier for him. He's been a great Kuya, and for this birthday, I wish him more cheers to his already happy heart. More birthdays to come Ferms!
Ferms' birthday one year ago click HERE to view more pictures
Let me share with you something I haven't shown to anyone but my best friend. I made a futile attempt to write a story last December 9, 2007. It's inspired by my huge crush on this guy, and I've never touched it again until today. I read what I had so far, and I laughed hard at the silly things my mind came up with at that time. Have a look:
Hurriedly setting my camera and tripod in place, I asked **guy's name here** “What are you doing just standing there?! Get your stuff and shoot!” I was too busy setting up to even notice what he said after:
“I’d rather watch you.”
Did I hear that right? I asked myself when I realized what he just said. Still holding my camera, I looked at him wondering if I did hear it right. He wasn’t holding his camera or his tripod. His camera was just hanging around his neck and his tripod was still folded on the grass. It’s as though he didn’t have any plan of taking pictures at all. There he was – just standing there with both hands in his pockets, siliently smiling up towards the dark sky. I couldn’t help but smile too, probably without noticing I did. And for some strange reason, I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him. No, not even for a second.
Completely useless right? haha! I wanted to hit delete when I read the 7 pages I had so far! I was about to, but I felt the urge to read it again. As I reread it, all the feelings I had at that time seemed to overwhelm me more than they ever did when I started writing this junk. I honestly got goosebumps thinking "oh my, so this what it was like"... I paused to think of what was going on, of why I felt like shifting sides of two extremes and continuing what I started with. I started correcting my typos, then adding a few words, then lines, then paragraphs. I wanted to stop, but I drowned in inspiration instantly. I sat in the same, uncomfortable corner for two hours, typing. I had an aching back when I got up, but room for more laughs.
I know I've always laughed at the idea of actually being in a relationship with this crush of mine. I mocked the idea at times, and so did my friends (what supportive friends). I never believed it could happen, and I still don't think so until now. I've said over and over that this guy is the type of crush that I wouldn't care if we end up together or not. If we do, then fine. If we don't that's fine too. It really doesn't matter. Thing is, I keep thinking "we can't like each other", but I still end up believing that fate could chance it's course. One year wasted on liking this guy is too much. Even the strongest heart gets weary waiting for nothing. True, I like him so much, and to be clear, I am NOT in love with him. Not yet, at least (where the heck did that come from). I can not fall completely for this guy, not in a billion years.
So... Shall the story remain unfinished, or shall I continue to write what may never be? Oh my. That doesn't leave me with much choice does it? Again, let's depend on father time to give us a hint. Please let it be something good.
Labels: birthdays, fencing, mark my heart
0 comments
Jenn A.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008, 2:08 PM
Magtatagalog ako kasi sobrang naiinis at nalulungkot na talaga ako. Itong mga nakaraang araw, hindi ko talaga maiwasang lubos na uminit ang ulo. Kasi naman, yung mga taong sumususod ay parang ipinanganak na sadyang sagabal sa buhay ng ibang tao, lalo na sa akin.
Sa unang tao, naiinis ako sa iyo dahil napaka unfair mo. Ayoko na magbigay ng detalyadong explanasyon kung bakit ka unfair kasi mahahalata na kung sino ka, at baka kung anu-ano pa masabi mo kung nabasa mo 'to. Ang masasabi ko lang sa 'yo, you're suck-ups on me won't work anymore after what you did. Kung mayroon akong alam na salitang isang daang beses na mas grabe pa sa "nakakairita", inireserba ko na yung titulong iyon para sa iyo. Iyong-iyo na talaga yun, wala kang kaagaw.
Sa pangalawang tao, iniwan ko sa iyo itong responsibilidad na ito dahil alam mong nung huling linggo pa ako sobrang daming ginagawa. Busy, ika nga. Pero anong nangyari? Bakit ako pa rin gumagawa ng dapat mong inasikaso? May sakit na ako't lahat lahat, pero bakit wala ka namang initiative? Magkapakita ka naman ng pakialam kahit minsan. Hindi ka mamamatay, pangako.
Sa pangatlong tao, isarado mo na yang bibig mo. I-mighty bond mo kung kailangan.
Sa pang-apat na tao, wag kang magmarunong sa mga mas nakakaalam, pwede ba? Akala ko pa naman magiging okey tingin ko sa 'yo. Alam kong natutuwa tayo sa kumpanya ng isa't-isa, pero sana hindi mo makalimutan ang pagiging professional. May mga hangganan na di mo dapat sinusubukang laktawan kasi baka mapakahamak ka lang. Wag mong ubusin pasensya ng ibang tao, dahil meron pang mas grabe ang inis sa iyo kaysa sa akin.
Sa panlimang tao, hindi kita susuportahan hangga't di mo pinapakita sa akin na karapat-dapat ka para dun. Marami ka nang taong ininis, sa tingin mo ba sila kami pa ang may sala dun? Gamitin mo naman utak mo, yung totoong gamit ah. Alam kong alam mo ibig kong sabihin. Sana naman yung mga desisyon mo ay nakaktulong talaga, hindi yung ikasasama ng loob ng marami.
Sa pang-anim na tao, hindi ba't kung gusto yun ng kaibigan mo at alam mong di naman makakasama sa kanya ito, dapat di mo siya pinamumukhang bobo sa mga gusto niya? Ano bang problema mo ha? Baguhin mo nga yang paghusga mo... Tuwang-tuwa yung tao sa nangyari tapos pagtatawanan mo ang nangyari. Maging kaibigan ka naman.
Sa pampitong tao, ang tanga mo, sa totoo lang.
At sa pangwalong tao, alam kong higit pa sa kampante ka sa sarili mong ugali at istilo, pero wag mo mamasamain kung sabihin ko sa 'yo na wag kang B.I. please.
Hindi ako sugudera at bihira lang akong magwala ng ganito, pero masama ako magalit. Inaamin ko ring duwag ako dahil kahit kailan, di ko magagawang sabihin ang mga kakalimbag ko lamang dito. Sa mga makakabasa nito, wag kayo masyadong mag-isip, dahil kung tutuusin, napakageneral ng nakalagay dito. Pero kung may natatamaan, aba, sinasabi ko nang baguhin niyo na yan kasi baka mamaya kayo talaga tinitira ko. At kung may nakakabasa diyan na pakiramdam nila'y hindi sila yung pinapatamaan pero sila naman talaga, bahala ka sa buhay mo.
Pesensya na, talagang di ko na talaga macontain ang galit ko eh. Umuulan pa, talaga naman oh. Lalo tuloy nakakadepress. Salamat, inang kalikasan.
Labels: erase from memory
0 comments
Jenn A.
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the life list
Here's a list of things I want to do with my life. Hopefully, I'll be able to make most of these happen. I'll add more things as I come up with ideas.
43 Things
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