from me to you
Hey there!
Welcome to the tiny place in cyberspace of a girl who blogs her blues away. And well, maybe out of boredom as well.
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the wallflower
Wallflower (wall·flow·er)
Definition
- One who does not participate in the activity at a social event because of shyness or unpopularity.
- A lady at a ball, who, either from choice, or because not asked to dance, remains a spectator.
As the term suggests, I shy away from a lot of things, parties and balls/dances being top 1 and top 2 respectively.
I'm a small girl you won't probably notice in a crowd. On top of that, I'm a natural klutz, the holder of a seemingly record-breaking list of misplaced items, an amateur anything, and an over-thinker who oftentimes lets her head rule her heart.
I'm still normal okay, don't get me wrong. haha... I'm a kid at heart who is easily pleased with simple things. One who carries a pinch of optimism, a tinkling of charm, and loads of laughs. I'm still trying to find my place in this vast expanse, but I'm having tons of fun along the way.
I'll find that light someday, I'm sure! But for now, I'll slow things down a bit and enjoy the ride.
My life's not the most spectacular thing that you'll come across, but it's worth a look :)
my a-z
A aqua
B baking, books, broadway
C Canon 50D
D dancing, David Archuleta, DLSU, doodles, DS Lite
E E71, elephants
F fencing (foil), Filipina, Freeway
G GLEEk
H HTML/CSS
I -
J June 10
K Kamiseta, Kostka QC
L Latter-day Saint (Mormon), lime green
M Malteasers
N Nancy Drew, necklaces
O OC
P pasta, piano, Psychology major
Q Quezon City
R -
S See's Rum Nougat, shrimp, singing (theatrical amateur), single, sour candies, spicy food, Stitch
T taekwondo black belt, traveling, Trumpets Playshopper, turtles
U -
V -
W Walt Disney, Warheads, Wicked (the musical), white thick-rimmed glasses
X
Y -
Z Zours
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Saturday, November 15, 2008, 12:34 AM
Random, completely random. Yesterday was just too sabaw for everyone who I was with that day. I was supposed to meet up with Rhiell, Bryan, and Justin at 12 to have lunch, before training, but I woke up at around 11 already after going back to sleep. My dad woke me up at around 9 because our relatives from Pampanga (including Jesse, my nephew) dropped by our house before they brought Tito Ef and Tita Alma to the airport. They're leaving for the States, you see, permanently. I'll miss them a lot, especially since we've seen a lot of each other since I was a baby. I'll have to bid November visits to their house and New Year outings a sad farewell... Who knows when I'll be seeing them again? ... Okay, enough drama. Going back to where I left off, I got up at 11 and left the house at around 12 already. I was supposed to meet up with Rhiell at Recto station before we shift train lines, but she got onto the same cart where I was in so we met-up 4 stations ahead. Then at the exact time we saw each other, Justin called and told us that he and Bryan were in Sherwood waiting for us, and the four of us just talked over the phone 'til we got to the next station. I remembered Rhiell saying "it breaks my heart not seeing you guys over the weekend" tuloy. It's amusing how we can't seem to get enough of each other. haha! So when me and Rhiell got to Taft and started walking to Sherwood, I got a text from Coach Ramil saying that he was cancelling today's training because he forgot that it was the scheduled day of the food tasting for their wedding's catering. We understood completely of course, our coach is getting married! But there was another problem: we were at Taft already and our 1-hour trip to Taft would be put to waste is we didn't do anything. Rhiell and I thought of going to the mall, and we thought we had pulled it off - Bryan said okay, and Justin said it was fine as long as someone would lend him money (I offered). Rhiell called up Arman and he had the same problem as Justin so she offered to lend him money, and he agreed. We stayed in Sherwood for a while to help Bryan enroll. Actually, Rhiell did and I sat down somewhere in the internet shop and had a long conversation with Justin. The crush guessing game started again, but no dirt. Boo. haha... After Bryan enrolled, we met up with Arman and ate in Reyes Barbecue. We were inviting the other foilists to go too, but only Karyll gave us a yes. Then Bryan's mom called telling him to go home because some Japanese technician was going to their house, and Arman's mom called a few minutes after and told him that he can stay with us, but wasn't allowing him to really go out. Justin didn't want to go anymore because the other two cancelled on us, so that really ruined our mood. As in major mood swing. So what happened was that we stayed at Reyes for 5 hours just talking. Karyll arrived after 3 hours and told us the most hilarious things about... Secret. hahahahaha she'd kill us if anyone found out :)) Oh and I ended my half of the crush guessing game - I told Justin who the guy was. Justin, however, didn't fulfill his half. And that sort of pissed me off. Everyone was looking at us pa naman. He attempted to tell me who it was twice, but he never did. He even said stuff like "di mo ba talaga alam?". I was like, duh, I wouldn't be guessing if I knew. Then I start giving my teammates names and ask if there's anyone I'm missing. What to they say? They tell me that I'm missing the whole picture. The heck?! our new hang-out buddies, Arman Masangya and Karyll PurayBryan left after a while. I kinda wished he didn't because everyone looked so problematic. Karyll was the only one who didn't seem bothered and kept saying "bigyan niyo ako ng problema" and giving that adorable laugh. She's such a kid. haha... Thank goodness Karyll was there to lighten the mood. We wouldn't have left Reyes either if it weren't for her. She was the one who insisted we have dinner somewhere else. So after 5 hours, we finally left. We walked back to Sherwood only to find out that everything was closed to make way for the drinking crowd. McDo it was then. On they way there, I saw my dormies again, Trish and Kyra. I missed them so much, and I sat down on EGI's steps for a while with them. They told me that the dorm's not as friendly as it used to be anymore. I won't get into detail anymore, but I'm glad I left. Trish told me that she doesn't like her roommate and that she wishes I were her roommate again. Aww :) Thank goodness I love all the roommates I've had - Ate Lyn, Alliv, and Trish. It was sad that I couldn't stay longer because the others were waiting for me. I shall visit them one day this term to catch up! So when we got to McDo, the gloom was overwhelming - comfort food for everyone! Converstations were full of dead air and everyone (except Karyll gain) looked like we had the most grueling training ever. What was up with everyone? :( ***
This is too depressing. No more will be said. Next time, our movie plans should push through and hopefully, everyone would cooperate. That goes for me and Rhiell too who put our hopes that this would push through on such short notice. Labels: friends
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Jenn A.
Thursday, November 13, 2008, 11:39 PM
Never in all my days as a fencer have I heard anything more beautiful than "in fairness, ang laki ng inimprove mo". I was beyond happy to hear these 7 words, from the one person I wanted to hear them from too - my coach, Coach Ramil Endriano. He says that I just need to move a bit more and work on my parrys, but he was pleased with how I performed today (I finally won against Bryan and beat Justin twice). The feeling's amazing, and that definitely helped me with my esteem issues. haha! Things are definitely going to change from now on :) ***
Yeterday, I was at SJ Walk from 11:00 to around 6 in the evening - a record! I was doing my paper for GREATWK with Jek, Camille, and Kathy at first. Then Bryan came and my friends left to have lunch. Then Justin passed by but left because he had class. Then we saw Jameson and called him over before he went off to class too. Then Justin came back after class with his blockmate (who is now my friend too), Gino. Then Rhiell arrives with Arman who are follwed by a few of Justin, Jericho, Jameson, and Arman's blockmates (who I didn't get to talk to except for Camille). The people from their block that were there seemed really nice though. They played Madame Fate on my laptop the whole time while I chatted the whole time with Bryan and Justin. haha... Some day that was! I enjoyed it though, even if it were in the presence of a lot of new faces. Bryan, Justin, and I were also super sabaw that day. We kept asking Rizal (tossing a 1-peso coin) about our decisions. Believe it or not, the answers we got were consistent. That's what made the whole thing so amusing :)) Then we saw CO and Shio going of of SJ. Shio said something wrong, bad Shipao *fold arms*. Tsk tsk tsk. Then Cliff saw us, asked us why we weren't in the gym, and left to go to the CSO office. mga tambay sa SJOh yeah, and yesterday was also quite unfortunate because I saw someone who I believe is a thing of the past. I saw him three times - morning, afternoon, and evening. I didn't greet him 'til I saw him in the evening though. Still, why is it that he never shows himself when I want to see him, but appears when I no longer want to? Sad :( Today, training finished early - 8:30. Bryan had to leave early and Rhiell left much earlier because she was required to watch a movie for class but promised to be back, so I was left with Justin for the meantime. We were at Pizza Hut and we both ordered pasta. I forgot what it was called, but it had shrimp and mushrooms in it. Then Justin tells me that he's allergic to shrimp. I told him to change his order, but he told me that he has medicine with him so I let him order the pasta. When Rhiell arrived, she saw Justin eating shrimp and she told him to stop eating it at once. Then I learned that Justin lied about the medicine thing - he didn't have any on hand. You can just imagine how worried me and Rhiell were. After just 3 pieces of shrimp, para na siyang lasing. We went next door to KFC after because I was still hungry. They sat down while I ordered and when I got to the table, Justin's face was red all over. Rhiell and I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or worry (wow, what friends). haha... But Justin did take in dessert to neutralize the allergies. We went home after having dessert. Rhiell and I were still talking about the allergy attack and Justin's remarks like "pag wala ako bukas sa training, alam niyo na nangyari" even after Justin left. He had us worried, I hope he feels better tomorrow. Rhiell and I with Mr. Shrimp Allergy***
It really is different simply blogging about just the stuff that happened for the day. I missed that. I haven't been doing much of it in my past entries have I? Oh well, I'm back :) Labels: fencing, freaky encounters, mark my heart
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Jenn A.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008, 8:29 PM
After the angsty entry I made last week, it's about time I was given a break. I'm not taking back anything I said about the guy though. If masungit is what he thinks of me, that's what he's getting. Going back to where I left off, the past few days have been -- well, I don't really know how to describe them. I've been under a lot of stress. I haven't been sleeping regularly and sometimes, I don't get any sleep at all. There's the YSA that I don't think I would have enjoyed if not for Hazel, Kat, and my friends from Novaliches. I even ended up sitting out the whole dance social (and as expected, I was "forced" to be a jerk to the guy in my last entry). I even wished that 3 of my new found friends, Rhielle, Bryan, and Justin were there. I missed them a lot. It doesn't stop there, but I'd rather not dwell on the petty mishaps. Before I move on to the main point of my entry, let me tell you about these three new found friends. I've been spending a lot of time with the Foil newbies in the team, but even more with Rhielle, Bryan, and Justin. The foilists almost always have dinner together after training. We're together until 10, just before the LRT's last trip. I'm closest to Rhielle and Bryan because we have the same route home, and I guess I can say that I'm close to Justin too after the heart-to-heart talk we had one Monday ( yes naman, Dr. Love kunwari haha). We became really close since then. There's Jezza, Kenneth, Karyll, Joy, Loraine, and Kenn too of course. And they're ALL younger than me (ID 107 & 108, I'm 106)! haha! I don't look a year over 16 though, as I've been told :) me, Justin, Bryan, Rhiell...
...plus Jezza and Kenn
Oh and right now, I'm playing guessing game with Justin - hulaan ng crush. haha! His case bugs me a lot though. I'm usually so good at guessing people's crushes! I'm down to just the Foil team now along with some other clues, but I can't seem to get who it is. Gooosh I feel dumb. haha... At marami na ring issue sa team! Ang husay, grabe. haha...***
SO MOVING ON... I'd like to get right to the main point of my entry - the one thing that I realized today. I never enjoyed my GREATWK class, so I'm either really spaced out or usually bombarding my notebook with scribbles and drawings (which are actually more than my notes. haha). During class this morning, I found myself writing a reflection on crushes which led me into remembering my friends asking me why I never had a boyfriend yet. I always answer that I'm not ready yet, I have other priorities, I'm enjoying the single life, blah, blah blah. But come to think of it, is it really just that? I really (as in really) thought about it. Turns out that it might not have just been that I merely enjoy being single. I pondered on the thought and ended up writing this in my notebook: "In my little-girl fantasies of happily ever after, I'd find myself smitten by some guy and call him 'the one'. I didn't know the guy, but when we did get to know each other and he'd later on start making a move, I start avoiding him... My guess? I'm afraid. Yes, as brave as I may be in a Fencing bout, the thought of being in a serious relationship shakes me..."
So allow me to explain. I remember two guys who I had a mutual understanding with - one from way back in 2nd year high school, and another guy from Church. I liked both guys before I knew them, but like I mentioned earlier, they start showing signs of liking me too and I start avoiding them. We remain friends to this day, but never became anything more than that. So was is something that these boys said? Was is something they did? Was there someone who interfered? Did I dig up the dirt on these guys? Did I just lose interest all of a sudden? The answer is a big fat no. Another example, my last crush who I've liked for a year. I mentioned (a lot) in my past entries how deeply in-like I was with him. I also blogged of how I knew that a relationship between us was not going to work out no matter how much I'd want it to. Still, he lasted the longest among all my crushes though I knew it was pointless to hang on to a hope that I'd hear the sweetest words from him or hold him in my arms and all that mushy junk. So what am I trying to say? I think that the more a guy I like makes a move, the less I like the guy. Maybe I enjoy the fuzzy feeling you get knowing that someone you like likes you back, but turning this "something" you have into something beyond mutual understanding scares me. Maybe I'd rather cherish the feelings and leave them as they are at the moment. But why not take the risk? Maybe certain factors hinder me from giving the guy a chance. Maybe I just expect too much of the guy. Maybe I still believe in a perfect match. Maybe they guy just moves too fast. Maybe I just can't imagine what it would be like having a boyfriend. Maybe I'm scared of what the guy will do next. Or maybe I'm just flat out afraid to fall in love with the wrong guy. All this time, I held on to the idea that there's something wrong with the guys - never once considering that the problem could be me. I keep telling myself that the right guy will come, but when will he ever show up if I don't allow him to? I cut his chances off before he gets the chance to prove his worth. Still, I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself because after all, there are other factors like the timing of the guy, or maybe something opposable about his attitude. I can't pin point exactly what it is about a relationship that scares me so much, but I was right about not being ready and yes, I am afraid of getting into a relationship.Does any of this make any sense at all? I can't put into words exactly how I feel. This is the best I could do. I think too much don't I? haha... I think I should start listening to my professor, my mind starts wandering off into dangerous places when I don't eh :)) But anyway. To the next guy, I leave a challenge to you: break the trend. Show me that what I fear is but a mere laughing matter. I will of course help myself get over this silly phase, but I believe you hold greater influence. ***
P.S. Add me up at Plurk.com! My new addiction :) Labels: fencing, mark my heart
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Jenn A.
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the life list
Here's a list of things I want to do with my life. Hopefully, I'll be able to make most of these happen. I'll add more things as I come up with ideas.
43 Things
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