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Welcome to the tiny place in cyberspace of a girl who blogs her blues away. And well, maybe out of boredom as well.
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the wallflower
Wallflower (wall·flow·er) Definition
One who does not participate in the activity at a social event because of shyness or unpopularity.
A lady at a ball, who, either from choice, or because not asked to dance, remains a spectator.
As the term suggests, I shy away from a lot of things, parties and balls/dances being top 1 and top 2 respectively.
I'm a small girl you won't probably notice in a crowd. On top of that, I'm a natural klutz, the holder of a seemingly record-breaking list of misplaced items, an amateur anything, and an over-thinker who oftentimes lets her head rule her heart.
I'm still normal okay, don't get me wrong. haha... I'm a kid at heart who is easily pleased with simple things. One who carries a pinch of optimism, a tinkling of charm, and loads of laughs. I'm still trying to find my place in this vast expanse, but I'm having tons of fun along the way.
I'll find that light someday, I'm sure! But for now, I'll slow things down a bit and enjoy the ride.
My life's not the most spectacular thing that you'll come across, but it's worth a look :)
my a-z
A aqua B baking, books, broadway C Canon 50D D dancing, David Archuleta, DLSU, doodles, DS Lite E E71, elephants F fencing (foil), Filipina, Freeway G GLEEk H HTML/CSS I - J June 10 K Kamiseta, Kostka QC L Latter-day Saint (Mormon), lime green M Malteasers N Nancy Drew, necklaces O OC P pasta, piano, Psychology major Q Quezon City R - S See's Rum Nougat, shrimp, singing (theatrical amateur), single, sour candies, spicy food, Stitch T taekwondo black belt, traveling, Trumpets Playshopper, turtles U - V - W Walt Disney, Warheads, Wicked (the musical), white thick-rimmed glasses X
Have you ever regretting wishing for something? I am.
For once, let it not be my friends who spill the beans to this oh-so-cute guy. For once, let the guy not be a feelingero after finding out. It would be so much easier of things were the other way around wouldn't they? Well, that's exactly what's happening with this guy I like now. Yes, my friends had nothing to do with this. I gave myself away indirectly because of the way I acted. That's just according to my friends though. And, yes, the guy didn't become a jerk. Great, right? WRONG. I got what I hoped for, but the thing is, I'm not sure if this is what I really wanted.
I've been crushing on this guy for some time now. I've been able to talk to him a lot lately, but I've been a bit shy around him. Things were okay between us until he and another friend crack this joke that I looked like a boy - the Hanson brothers to be exact. It was because of what I was wearing that day, I guess. He even said I was like a brother to him because he didn't have a brother. I hated what they said. I even started to think that there was something wrong with the way I dressed, acted, or who I hang out with (I'm with guys most of the time). It was just at that moment though, I my friends told me that it was all crap from people who think I'm cuter when I'm mad. They might just also be saying that 'coz they know every guy I've liked in school is gay/effeminate. They also reassured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, masyado lang daw akong nagpaapekto sa hirit nila.
I know I'd be able to talk to my other friend about that little joke, but not to him. I told myself I'd never wear pambahay around them anymore para wala na silang masabi and that I'd be a little more withdrawn (good luck naman dun) when I'm with them.
Anyway. He and I are classmates in one subject this term. This week, I was supposed to meet up with a common friend of ours right after this class, and so did he. It's a friend thing na magsabay sa paglakad if you're going to the same place, but I wanted to go ahead to avoid awkward conversations. I wasn't able to though because the elevator closed when I got out of the classroom, so he was able to catch up. I was really quiet around him, but talked to every single person I knew who passed by us as we walked to EGI. He talked to me and I answered, but I wasn't as makwento as before. He even threw in a compliment every now and then, and I just smiled. I was quiet.
It was different when we got to our common friend though. I couldn't help but talk, talk, and talk. To our friend that is, not to him. My natural bubbly side got the better of me and it kinda slipped my mind that I'm trying to be quiet. I think it went well though - I THINK lang ah. I have to give myself credit for at least trying to, right?
He left early because he had class, which left me and our friend. I talked to her about how bad I felt after the joke he and my other friend cracked about me. "I was offended because he said I was like a boy", period. But this common friend seemed to have understood the situation as "I was offended because he said I was like his brother" - which to me is better understood as "I don't want to be just your brother". I didn't mean that at all - all I was trying to say was that it hurt being seen as a boy. She told me afterwards about their conversation nights before:
Friend:May mali kang sinabi kanina! Him:Huh? F: Kahit ako pag sinabihan ng ganun maiinis ako. H: Teka, ito ba yung kay Jenn? F: You do know that she likes you right? H: Yeah. It was just a joke, it didn't mean anything.
Okay, he knows. This time, it was my fault for being so obvious like my friends said. He didn't even become a feelingero because he still talked to me. I still ask myself though: is this what I really wanted to happen? I can't give out in detail everything that's running in my head right now, only the friends I trust most know. These thoughts are way to embarrassing and malabo. But what I can tell you though is that things might have been better off as they were - with madaldal friends and feelingeros.
SO... As the old saying goes, be careful what you wish for. You might get and regret it.
It's been 19 wonderful years since I was brought into this world. This last birthday has been absolutely fantastic. All the people who mean most to me there plus their little surprises have given my birthday weeks and extra special something. I threw a mini-party in Yellow Cab iwth my teammates too for three reasons. One, because it was my Birthday the week before. Two, it's officially been a year since I joined the team last June 12, 2007. Three, plainly because I missed the team and the Yellow Cab Birthday tradition. To add to that, all three of my wishes came true - yes, even wish number 3 (refer to previous entry). Thank you everyone, I couldn't ask for more.
My best friend, Alliv, put together a bunch of clips of the stuff that happened during training on my Birthday. Out lame attempt on making a video blog's there as well. I saw it only days after the posted it. Turns out the surprise didn't end at cakes and balloons. If you're my friend, you'll know why *wink wink*. Watch:
But with all this happiness comes yet another Jenn Agustin distress signal. My camera (DSLR) and everything in its bag was stolen last June 20... It was stolen at Chilli's by two well-dressed men who just sat by the tables next to my dad's and left. My dad told me that he took the camera out to take a group picture while waiting for dessert, and after dessert, the camera was gone. The waitress said there were two men who came in. One of them sat down and the other one asked about the game on TV, then they left. My mom supposed that while the waitress was being distracted, the man sitting down pulled the camera bag with his foot.
It's out of my conscience because I wasn't the one who lost it anyway, but I felt horrible when my dad broke the news to me. I thought of the two sets of pictures I haven't uploaded yet (Tuesday training and Yellow Cab Thursday) and how much I was attached to that camera. I cried myself to sleep - something I never thought would be possible. I looked like crap when I woke up the next morning. Like I told my friends, para akong namatayan.
But looking on the positive side, there must be a good reason why that happened, right?
Moving on.
I've been hanging out with Kate, Migs, David, Alvin, and RG a lot lately.
Last Thursday was Yellow Cab day with the fencers. I invited Alvin to join us, then he told me RG's coming too. Coach Galo, Ferms, Alvin, RG, and I rode home with David. Yeah, we were able to fit ourselves in the car. haha...
I had make-up class in MANPERS last Friday and so did RG. RG's friends weren't there and I had nowhere else to go, so we had lunch in Sherwood. David and Migs followed. Migs and I went to David's house after to kill time while waiting for Therese. It was my first time to go to Daivd's house. We played Guitar Hero for the first time too! Grabe, ang kulelat namin ni Migs nung una. haha... Guitar Hero's a must play for me now. I'm definitely going back to David's house to play it again. Migs and I played with the webcam on David's new (tiny) laptop. It's his tatak manliness.
Saturday was the day I felt really down after what happened to my camera. David met up with me, and we met up with Kate and RG in Starbucks after. We had dinner in Cantina then I went to David's house to play Guitar Hero. RG went home to get his guitar and me and David picked Alvin up. I played Guitar Hero for a while, but I got too drawn to Solitaire. haha... It was already quarter to 9 when we finished. I had to be home by 10 and David still had to pick his mom up in Q. Ave. There was no way David could get me home by 10, so RG brought me home instead. We listened to RG Connect, the playlist in his iPod with all his songs from his Fahrenheit days. I was wowed when I heard the song he played, sang, and composed for TREDTRI. Ang ganda ng boses niya! And thanks for bringing me home RG! I'm gonna finish that playlist sometime.
Classes were suspended for nothing yesterday - no rain, no flood, no heavy winds. It was another Guitar Hero day with the same people! Kate was with us too. It was her first time to play Guitar Hero. She kept shouting, and you can just imagine how hard Alvin and I were laughing at we counted how many times she kept saying "fudgie brownie". haha! We also had four Pizza Hut pizzas for just 1k thanks to the Palm Card. That day was a lot of fun, I hope we get together again soon!
three guitars? nah. David just changed the black thing to pink more pictures HERE
I have no classes today either, super long weekend! I'll be doing accounting in a while, bummer. 'Til next time!
Do you know the let's party feeling you get every time finals week is over? That's how it feels after every long, grueling accounting class. It's been two weeks into the first term of this school year, and already, accounting has left me brain-dead. We had our first quiz yesterday, and I don't think I'll get a good grade for that. I didn't sleep doing two units worth of homework - all assigned just last Tuesday. I stayed up all night doing my homework and studying. I wasn't able to train either because of a really bad migraine.
Moving on.
It's just 4 days 'til my birthday! I'm turning 19 - no more teen in my age on my next birthday. Gosh I'm old. haha... I've never really wished for anything for my past birthdays, so let me make this year different. Let me make just 3 wishes.
I wish I'd see all of my dearest friends on that day. It's almost impossible for me not to see most of them because they're my classmates, but some of them are people I don't see regularly. Show yourselves, people! I'll see my Church buddies tomorrow, so they've automatically made part of this wish come true.
I wish I'd be with my family that day. I miss waking up to my brothers shouting Happy Birthday. This hasn't happened in the past 2 years I've stayed in the dorm, and what's worse is that my birthday ends with me getting just a phone call from them because I'm far away from home. I don't need any gifts, just please don't let me spend another birthday like this.
I want someone to greet me Happy Birthday. I'd prefer him to sing Happy Birthday to me, but a little greeting would be enough. heehee...
Could I make a fourth wish and wish that accounting classes would be canceled on that day? haha...
There's an athlete's assembly at school today, but I won't be able to go because of a lecture I have to attend for driving school. I can apply for a non-professional license after this! Yay! The processing is another story though. boohoo.
I have to go, but let me just say that it's so nice waking up in the morning when you don't have classes! I used to always sleep in the wee hours of the morning and wake up in the evening kasi eh. haha!
Heyaaa! I just got back from dinner with my teammates whom I missed badly over the vacation. Alliv, Apol, Cliff, CO, Joyce, Nicky James, Shio, (daddy) Ogge, Coach Ramil, and I ate at Kenny Rogers after training. We missed Bequa, Francis, Jason, Mark, Michael, Nickee, and Ross though. It was nice having most of them there during training and dinner. I missed them so much especially because some of them haven’t been training regularly after the last UAAP. I was also able to ride Coach Ramil’s Volkswagen Beetle today! I’ve always wanted to ride that cute little car. haha…
Oh yeah, our team’s recruiting right now. To all the Lasallians, join the fencing team! No experience required (I joined the team knowing absolutely nothing too. haha). Don’t worry about the cost, the school pays for our equipment. SO! If you’re game, we are too! Drop by the 8th floor, Sports Complex every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:00 if you’re interested. Training for newcomers ends at 5:00, but you can stay longer if you like. If you have any more questions, you can drop by our booth along SJ Walk. See you there!
I want to say something about my dorm for a change.
It’s my second week back in EGI this term. The walls are green now. They repainted-- to match the furniture? I don’t really like the new color. Everything’s so green now, there’s too much of it. And thank goodness the aircon in our unit’s fixed. I couldn’t stand another night of the seemingly warm air it gives out! The showerhead hook in one of our bathrooms is still broken though. Hey, at least something remained constant. -__-;;
Security’s changed. Both the AM and PM guards were changed. I kinda miss one of our old guards (the one with the long hair, forgot her name though) because she was so nice and I really do get to talk to her, plus she didn’t have to check our bags whenever we go in and out of the dorm. Going in I can understand, but going out?! Hello, would we steal the sink? Oh c’mon.
Ate Kat, Tin, and Patti have moved out of the dorm. The three of them plus Ate Core stay in a condo right across the street. Ate Yars moved out of the dorm as well because she’s graduating this month. It’s weird not having our usual small talk by the mirror as we get ready for school. It’s even weirder not hearing their playful laughs every night. I miss them so much! I’m going to visit them one day when Ate Kat and Ate Core are regulars in the condo already. I think it’s going to be a while before I see Ate Yars again though. I wish she’d still drop by here sometime, I didn’t give her a proper goodbye. Freshmen have moved-in to their rooms already, but I’m not ready to accept the fact that the people staying in those rooms aren’t the people I’ve grown closest to just yet. I miss every single thing there is about living with them – down to every last story, giggle, and a little rant every now and then. I guess it’s just too hard to let go of all those memories. But still, change is change – we can’t do anything about that. Maybe it’s time to open up to the newbies and be the Ate for a change.
And of course, I love my roommate. We’ve become so much closer over the past months, and I’m glad she changed her mind of going home everyday. Thank goodness she did, the losing three dormmates thing is already too much change, or as Danny Noriega would put it, TMTH (too much to handle). Can I also say we’ve become more disciplined in our acads? YES, I CAN. haha…
I’m still trying to get the old feel of the dorm back right now, but I get the feeling it won’t ever be the same. Change is good, isn’t it? Oh well… Dorm life is hard, but definitely worth the experience.
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