from me to you
Hey there!
Welcome to the tiny place in cyberspace of a girl who blogs her blues away. And well, maybe out of boredom as well.
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the wallflower
Wallflower (wall·flow·er)
Definition
- One who does not participate in the activity at a social event because of shyness or unpopularity.
- A lady at a ball, who, either from choice, or because not asked to dance, remains a spectator.
As the term suggests, I shy away from a lot of things, parties and balls/dances being top 1 and top 2 respectively.
I'm a small girl you won't probably notice in a crowd. On top of that, I'm a natural klutz, the holder of a seemingly record-breaking list of misplaced items, an amateur anything, and an over-thinker who oftentimes lets her head rule her heart.
I'm still normal okay, don't get me wrong. haha... I'm a kid at heart who is easily pleased with simple things. One who carries a pinch of optimism, a tinkling of charm, and loads of laughs. I'm still trying to find my place in this vast expanse, but I'm having tons of fun along the way.
I'll find that light someday, I'm sure! But for now, I'll slow things down a bit and enjoy the ride.
My life's not the most spectacular thing that you'll come across, but it's worth a look :)
my a-z
A aqua
B baking, books, broadway
C Canon 50D
D dancing, David Archuleta, DLSU, doodles, DS Lite
E E71, elephants
F fencing (foil), Filipina, Freeway
G GLEEk
H HTML/CSS
I -
J June 10
K Kamiseta, Kostka QC
L Latter-day Saint (Mormon), lime green
M Malteasers
N Nancy Drew, necklaces
O OC
P pasta, piano, Psychology major
Q Quezon City
R -
S See's Rum Nougat, shrimp, singing (theatrical amateur), single, sour candies, spicy food, Stitch
T taekwondo black belt, traveling, Trumpets Playshopper, turtles
U -
V -
W Walt Disney, Warheads, Wicked (the musical), white thick-rimmed glasses
X
Y -
Z Zours
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Thursday, July 10, 2008, 5:17 PM
“I’m limited, and just look at you – you can do all I couldn’t do.” –For Good, Wicked
This line definitely seems to make its point in my life right now. Why? Let me tell you about this one friend of mine. Our friendship dates back to when we were just kids. I never talked to her much until we reached our teens. I tell her everything – family concerns, matters of the heart, stories at school, problems, everything and anything. We’re alike in many ways as well. We sing, we dance, we’re both madrama, we can be the noisiest people around – just to name a few. Yes, we’ve become quite an inseparable tandem since then, and our friendship can only get stronger each day. But in the course of our journey as friends, there have been events that posed a threat to our friendship – events which we have no control of. She got the part I wanted to play, she was chosen over me to be the emcee of this event, stuff like that. Sure, I was happy for her, but I wished I could be happy for me too. I always had a feeling of inferiority after getting I hear she gets to enjoy the things I want. There’s the “what’s wrong with me” sort of feeling, you get it right? Anyway, this hasn’t happened in the longest time, so I thought I’ve seen the last of it. It was too early to assume that pala. Just this month, the same ugly feeling hits me again. She gets to dance the Sayaw sa Bangko – a dance I’ve always wanted to do since I was in high school. Great. I was with this friend and another friend when my mom broke the news (she will teach this dance). My mom told me I couldn’t do the dance because this friend of mine was lighter than me and in her own words, “masyado kang mabigat, laki-laki pa ng legs mo” (Hello, I’ve been an athlete since I was 6. What do you expect?). I contested to what she said and told me I wasn’t heavy, but this friend of mine added “ikaw kaya pinakamabigat sa amin”. I was hurt, seriously. I know I’m the heaviest of this group of friends, but in my high school barkada and even in the fencing team, I’m one of the smallest and the lightest. Besides, the person who danced this back in high school way heavier than me – it would be illogical to think that she can be carried but not me. I was hurt for that reason, and it even hurt more that I won’t be dancing the dance I’ve always wanted to. Natawag pa akong mabigat. She should have just said that my friend’s lighter than me. Tapos.I have nothing against this friend of mine at all. I love this friend to death. It’s the people who make these choices for us that bother me. I know there’s a fault on my part because I’m taking this too seriously, or I’ve just wanted these things too much. Maybe there’s a lack of skill on my part too. I’m not saying that I’m better than my friend or that I deserve more credit than what she gets. All I’m saying is that I want to be given a chance too. To her this may not be a big deal, but to me, every single thing she got was something that will forever remain a frustration. My friend and I were never the auditioners, nor were we ever the judges. We never had to decide which of us gets what, so it’s not entirely our faults. All I’m saying is that there should be even opportunities for everyone, not just in my case. There are so many talented people in our group – performers, musicians, and even hosts. But I don’t think their talents would be appreciated if they weren’t presented with the opportunity to or forced into a showcase of their talent. It’s the “anjan naman si ano eh” or “eh nahihiya ako/yun” attitude of both the judges and the judged that makes their talents go unnoticed. Don’t you think so? But as another song from Wicked goes, "you can't have all you ever wanted". Well maybe so. Maybe I'll have to live by this for quite a while. I don’t know, maybe I’m just having one of my selfish episodes. Or maybe it’s just all the algebra and accounting getting to me. I'm sorry, this was stupid of me to say. This will pass just like every other thing in the past, I’m sure. Labels: erase from memory
0 comments
Jenn A.
Saturday, July 05, 2008, 4:26 PM
I've been silent about this, but I've had enough.
Here's the thing. I told this something to only my closest friends and the people I trust months ago. To cut the crap short, it got around, and to my surprise, even to an org I left a year ago.
How the hell are these issues spreading?! I don't get it. I really don't. It never crossed my mind that there'd be even one person in my pool of most trusted friends who'd defy my trust. I know it was my mistake on trusting too many people. I haven't been watching my mouth and now, I don't even know who to blame. I have a few suspects, but suspects are all they'll be unless if by some miracle they decide to fess up. I'm to blame, I know.
This time around, I'll shut up. I mean it. I've had enough of this. I don't want people to say "ikaw diyan yung tiwala ng tiwala tapos ikaw rin magrereklamo". No, it's not going to happen again.
Labels: erase from memory
1 comments
Jenn A.
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the life list
Here's a list of things I want to do with my life. Hopefully, I'll be able to make most of these happen. I'll add more things as I come up with ideas.
43 Things
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