A
aqua
B
baking, books, broadway
C
Canon 50D
D
dancing, David Archuleta, DLSU, doodles, DS Lite
E
E71, elephants
F
fencing (foil), Filipina, Freeway
G
GLEEk
H
HTML/CSS
I
-
J
June 10
K
Kamiseta, Kostka QC
L
Latter-day Saint (Mormon), lime green
M
Malteasers
N
Nancy Drew, necklaces
O
OC
P
pasta, piano, Psychology major
Q
Quezon City
R
-
S
See's Rum Nougat, shrimp, singing (theatrical amateur), single, sour candies, spicy food, Stitch
T
taekwondo black belt, traveling, Trumpets Playshopper, turtles
U
-
V
-
W
Walt Disney, Warheads, Wicked (the musical), white thick-rimmed glasses
X

Y
-
Z
Zours

I'd hate to be the unlucky one stuck in the context of these lines and actually enjoy singing them as though I didn't have anything better to sing. I haven't gotten all emo and enjoyed singing this song yet, but I am facing a sad situation similar to this.

No, this is not going to be another denial entry because this time, I'm confident I know what's going on. The words that caused all this confusion came from the person involved himself, so that only increases my chances of being right. I don't want to narrate the whole story here until it's settled though. I just need to type this and get it off my chest.

But then again, I could be wrong. However right I think I am, this stands as a mere gut feeling until I hear it from him straight. Please let this be just another bad case of paranoia. Please, please, please let me be wrong... :'(

Dear *Canon,

I want to bury you in my memories so I can finally move on and say you're a thing of the past, but unfortunately, that seems impossible at this point. What twisted spell have you cast on me to make me like you this much? It's been more than a year - one hopeless year. As David Archuleta's song goes, "I really don't know what to do, I'm just a little too not over you".

I think I know what's going on now. You had my heart all along, that's why it saw nothing but you. That's why I can't get over you. I locked my mind's door before you even had the chance to return it to me. This time, I'll accept that my heart is with you. I won't deny that I do like you. I won't push you away from my mind anymore, because I figured that the more I try to get rid of you, the more you'll keep coming back to try and return what you currently hold. Am I right? It'll be hard for me to move on if you keep coming back. I left the door unlocked for you so that the next time you drop by, you won't have to come back and try again... Just leave it anywhere I can easily find it, you're welcome to come in any time.

Just return it soon okay? I want my heart back. Don't forget.

***

What have you done? Oh boy, what have you done? You do -- err, something -- and suddenly turn everything into one huge guessing game. For your sake and mine as well, I won't put what this something is here. 3 people know, and I'm sorry if you would have rather not let anyone know, but guessing games leave me insane. Well, not as much as Math does though. haha...

Anyhoo, I don't know what to do about what these people advised me because I'm lacking one other crucial thing - a clear signal from you. Well, you could be sending out something, but I'm not sure if that's exactly what you're trying to tell me. I'm not sure if there is something. It's just too good to be true, that's all. Why? With all these -- restrictions? (gosh, it's hard to cover things up) -- it's certainly something I'd rather avoid... You make it very difficult for me to do, oftentimes making me feel that I want to forget these restrictions.

A friend of ours once asked me if I was happy liking you this much. I answered that it wasn't the happiness I was concerned about, it was more of what's supposed to be. As much as I'd like to simply forget or do away with these "restrictions", I can't. I can't put my reasons why here either, otherwise it would be too obvious to tell who you are, *Sherlock. I can tell you that these are things I deem silly, but somehow necessary. Oh gosh it's so hard not to write down exactly what I mean.

On the other hand, I have all the reasons I need to like you. It's bothersome that I have to restrain myself from falling completely, but I have to do it anyway. Why? I'm sorry again, but those reasons are between me and my 3 confidantes. I like you and all, but I need to feel around first if you are going to be another repeat of "history", if you get what I mean.

I don't how to organize this letter actually. Sort of like how confusing things are between us right now. So what exactly is going on? Please tell me for I don't know. Only you can tell me.

Again, what have you done? Oooh boy.




Oh myyy sleeping in the wee hours of the morning does WONDERS for me. I really need to fix my body clock ASAP. haha! Nakakaloka :))

So after long last, I'm back. How's it been? Well, some story. It's my plurk account that's been getting the juice on what's really been going on in my life right now. I'm skipping all that and going straight to how my vacation's been.

I know I've been looking forward to the Christmas break, but by how things have been, this season's been one to hate. So here's why I want to fast forward to January 7 so I can go back to school:

11. I don't feel Chirstmas. I can't explain it, but I just don't.

10. Selfish as it may sound, my weekly allowance is bigger than the money my parents gave me for Christmas. SELFISH, I KNOW. But I'm pretty pissed right now, so I might be saying this only because of that.

9. My sprain in sprained again. It was bad enough for it to be sprained once and even stepped on by a little kid at Church, but for it to have happened a second time is too much. I still can't walk properly nor can I train. This sucks.

8. I've been having really bad nightmares. REALLY bad ones. 4 times have I woken up panting and crying. I even fell off the couch during one of my naps. It was my sprained foot that broke my fall too, so you can just imagine how the pain overwhelmed me. I can't recall exactly what happened, and I don't want to find out anymore.

7. No more family getaways. Tita Alma and Tito Ef always organize our New Year family getaways with Tito Abring, Tita Espie, and Kuya Ammiel, Ate Aiah, and Iza (the de Leon family). This year, however, they ALL migrated to the States. Yes, all of them. That leaves just our family here in the Philippines. These trips have always been the highlight of my Christmas vacation, and without them, New Year's just a drag. Now what?

6. I miss my teammates, especially Rhiell and Bryan... As the days in our vacation rack up, I find it harder and harder not to see them everyday as we do after school hours. Yes, there's training, but I can't train because of my sprain. Most of them are out with their families too, so I doubt they'll be able to train for the remainder of the term break.

5. I wasn't able to go to Coach Ramil's wedding. Why? Because of the stupid, illogical reasons my dad gave me. I don't want to expound on his lame excuses not to let me go, but I'll share with you the WINNER of his numerous reasons. "You spend too much time fencing. You're supposed to be resting." WTH. It's a wedding I'm going to, NOT TRAINING, excuse him. I might have understood if he said it was too far (it was in Subic and I'm here in Katipunan), but he didn't even say it. Instead, he goes telling me that I spend too much time fencing. Stupid.

4. My family went to Subic on the day of Coach Ramil's wedding. It was a mixture of hate, grief and sarcasm when I found out where they were. They didn't let me go to Subic but they went?! Oh come on! It doesn't end there. They didn't even bother waking me up! And I thought my dad thought was a good excuse was the winner, but wait - there's more! *rolls eyes* This is it - the WINNER. Oh joy.

3. The idiot I addressed in THIS ENTRY is bugging me - AGAIN. I seriously want to type this in all caps because I can throw a whole car at him to show how mad I really am, but for our eyes' sake, I won't. So what happened? This happened just yesterday. It was time for our family's annual tithing settlement at Church. While meeting with our Bishop, an unknown number calls me, but I don't answer given that I am in an important meeting and I don't know the person anyway. The number calls again a second time, so I go out of the room because it might be important. BUT NO, it isn't important and I shouldn't have answered it. It was that stupid, cheap, disturbing, "all-knowing" *insert every bad ajective here* idiot on the other line. I just said "tithing settlement, wait lang" and put down the phone. It wasn't a lie anyway. But then the guy calls me 3 more times and I just let the phone ring, and in his succeeding attempts to get me to answer, I rejected his calls. BUT rejecting the calls still didn't work! So I turned off my phone 'til we left Church. THAT WAS JUST PLAIN ANNOYING. I turned on my phone again when we got home and saw that I had a text message from the idiot. It said:


Dumugo ilong ko kakatype nun ah. I stick with my words in the entry I dedicated to you, and now you've only made things worse by what you did yesterday. Congratulations, you are officially THE biggest loser I know. I meant it when I said leave me alone in my past entry. In fact, I'm kinda regretting I didn't say it to your face. I'll say it again, and this time I hope it sticks to your demented mind. LEAVE ME ALONE. GET LOST. GET OUT OF MY LIFE. I might forgive you if you do.

OKAY ENOUGH. I'm becoming mean again. Moving on...

2. I wish Gazel were here. Need I say more? Can father time please let one year be over now so she can come back from Italy? :'c

1. I miss my best friend, Alliv. She left for New Zealand last December 10 along with her mom, brother, and sister. It's the first Christmas we've been apart since we became friends - I HATE IT. Though the conference me, Alliv, Shio, and CO had was comforting, it's so much better knowing that Alliv's just a taxi ride away. She's miles away from where I am right now, and now, I'm stuck waiting for who knows how long to get a hug from the one person who has always known how to make every single pain go away... *sobs* I just miss her so much...


This is just too much for me to handle. Many people have entered and stayed in my life, but now, it seems that I'm losing them one by one in some way... AND I'M BECOMING EMO DAMN IT. I hate how this is all happening, and above all, it happens on Christmas. Merry Christmas indeed.

Hello. I've been really, really upset about something that happened this week. I've never been this mad in my life. Now look, I'm going to be a little mean in this entry, so if you're a fan of peace and forgiveness, don't continue reading.

I'll tell you what happened first. My comments will follow.

There's this guy who I've known since my early teens. In those teeny bopper days, there was a time that he pulled me to the dance floor and I refused. I also remember the most vile discriminatory comment I have ever heard his friends tell him about me - "mayaman yan, di yan papatol sa 'yo". I HATED his friends for saying such. I hated him even more for being affected. Since then, there's been this wall that I couldn't seem to break. Heck, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to break it at all. We didn't talk anymore after that.

After a few years of no talking, however, we started talking again. We talked, but rarely (and I mean rarely). I thought we were okay, friends and all, but we never became close friends. Civil.

Then just recently, he asked for my number, so I gave to him. I knew him enough anyway. There was this time that he used a common friend's phone to call me up. Malas lang niya, I was really busy at that time, so I told him to give the phone to our friend and I told my friend that I was not in the mood to talk because I had a lot of things to do. I thought it was over and done with, but then the guy sends me a text telling me that he's sorry he called, not to get mad at him or our friend, and that he'll erase my number from his phone. I replied explaining that I tend to get cranky under pressure, and I'm sorry for that. It was really my mistake, after all. I also told him that I found it rude for him to delete my number just because of that - that was just too exaggerated. I got mad, yes, but I let it go. He apologized again, but I didn't reply anymore.

So does it end there? Unfortunately, no.

These past two weeks, an unknown number texts me and tells me that he knows me. I knew he did because he knew my name. I was too intrigued not to reply. Then the guy tells me he's a member of our Church, that he's close to me and a common friend, and that he has always liked me. He also asked if I believed him. Of course I said I didn't - I didn't even know who this person was, why in the world would I believe him (hello?!). He also told me that he's going to ask me to dance on the night of the YSA on November 7. I told him that I don't dance socially, just for presentations. This was a lie of course, but wouldn't you lie too if you were creeped-out by an unknown peson who is warning you that'll he/she will ask you to dance in advance? I had a suspicion who this guy was, but I had second thoughts because the guy's number is registered in my phone. He might have changed his number, I thought. This guessing game went on for two weeks until he started telling me things like "pag nakikita kita laging magkasalubong kilay mo" (friends, is this true?) and "nagsusungit ka na eh". I was like, the heck?! I replied with:


He didn't tell me who he was and dropped clues instead, so I stuck to my word and didn't reply. I was getting tired of guessing, too. Besides, I didn't think I wanted to find out who this person was anymore. I did intend that text to be a snobbish one, by the way. Then another number starts texting me claiming that she is a friend of Mr. Unknown. I got irritated, seriously. One was enough, two was just too much. She kept calling me, but I don't answer mainly because I was in a meeting, and two, I didn't know her. She later on tells me the name of Mr. Unknown. So, my hunch was right all along - it was *insert name here*.

I didn't reply to the texts of either of them and I didn't answer their calls. Then the guy texts me:


I was like, uhh okay. Bahala ka sa buhay mo.


So here's what I think about all this:


I confused being civil with being friends. We were never friends, only civil to each 0ther. Mere acquaintances. You have known me by face and by name, that's all. You do not base real friendship on those grounds. And where did you get the highly fallacious assumption that we're close?! Some imagination you have there. Wag ka nang mag-ilusyon. We were NEVER close nor were you my friend, for your information. A friend would never do this to me. And after you pulled off this stupidity, we won't ever be. Live with it. Let me repeat, YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND.

Being labeled as "masungit" or "suplada" isn't new to me and I don't need you to tell me that AGAIN. I get enough of that from the people in other wards. If not for my friends, I would have believed you people and pitied myself. Thankfully, I have the greatest people in the world to boost my confidence - highly unlike the people you call friends (if you get my point). I don't care what you and your kind think of me. You don't know a thing about me anyway. Oh wait, you know that I am rich and that those "below" me don't stand a chance *rolls eyes in sarcasm*. Pfft. LOSER! As long as the people who matter would stand in defense of me, you could tell anyone something foul against me like enjoying the fresh smell of garbage and I still wouldn't care. Really, what were you thinking? I deal with the worst kind of garbage - people like you. And you don't hear me complaining about it.

So what if you're a member (of our Church)?! I DON'T FRIGGIN' CARE. I wouldn't think any more or less of a person if we had the same or totally contradicting religions. What matters to me (and I believe to everyone as well) is how you treat the people around you. If you're nice to me, you're fine in my book. But you?! YOU ARE NOT IN IT. You are not even worthy of being a speck of dust in it. And as for your friends, did any of you even try to get to know me before labeling me with "suplada" or "mayaman"? Of all the kinds of jerks there are in this world, it's those false judges I hate the most. In other words, you AND your friends are in my hate list.

You do not assume AND tell someone you like that he/she is irritated by you. In your case, you implied it in your messages. To me, this would only mean that you look at me as one who has temper problems. Do I even need to explain how wrong that is? You know you're pissing someone off, so just reverse what you're doing. But do you do it? No, you don't. Hindi ka na nagpadala.

Ang cheap ng approach mo. What's more irritating about your assumptions is that I warned you that I wasn't liking the whole guessing game thing, and you continue to do it. That and your approach as a whole are disturbing. Though I had a hunch who you were, I wasn't sure. You go telling me that you'll ask me to dance and that you like me. Hello?! Didn't you think that that's just freaky? And on top of that, through text?! Oh my, how utterly romantic *rolls eyes*. You must be deranged to think this would appeal to me. And while we're on the topic about your approach, you tell me AGAIN that you'll "eraze" my number from your phone. Nagpapakonsensya ka ba ha? Because if that's what you're trying to do, it's not working. It only aggravated my hated towards you even more. And while we're at it, ayusin mo nga yung pagtetext mo! Ang hirap intindihin.

You do not want to upset or disappoint me. Anger will eventually die down, but once you've upset or disappointed me, I don't think you'll EVER rank higher than "dedma". But think of it this way, at least you're in the better ranks of these great *rolls eyes* people. At least I didn't label you "loser" or "jerk". See? I'm NICE *insert sarcasm here*. Oh and as a bonus, I'm mad at you too. So you made me mad AND you upset me. Sweeeeet *rolls eyes*.

You need help. Go see a guidance counselor or something. An attitude trainer too while you're at it.


PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE IF YOU WILL CONTINUE WITH THIS IDIOCRICY YOU CALL YOUR ATTITUDE. I've had enough of you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you are by far the worst person I've ever met. You and the other guy who did the awful texting thing to me too last summer (you're him part 2). You have been a bigger source of anger than the person who used to bully me a lot in high school. I don't want to see your face that turns sunny skies gray either. You'd brew up a storm if you try to talk to me, so don't. Not now. So if you don't want this storm to involve hail stones I's like very much to throw at you right now, LEAVE ME ALONE.

***

I honestly want to kick dirt on this obnoxious git's face right now. Oh wait, why not just kick his face? Right now, it wouldn't be wise of him to show himself to me. But if he continues to be stupid, mapapahiya lang siya. He'd better not dare.

Imagine me getting so mad about this, how much more if it were my boyfriend? haha...

Let's say your boss told you that 5 months from now, the company will unveil it's biggest, most crucial project ever, and he wants you to be part of the team that will head this oh-so-important project. You have your doubts that you'll be able to pull this off, but in the end, you know you want to do it anyway. Come the end of 3 long months, you feel that you have done fairly well and that you have performed to the very best of your efforts. But then, find out that for their 50th anniversary, your parents plan to go abroad for a while. On top of this, you and your siblings plan to throw them a grand party (sort of like reliving their wedding reception) for them which will be celebrated when they come back. The planning of this party takes up more of your time than you thought, and you realize that you aren't as focused on the company project as you should, but opt to concentrate on what would mean more to you - your parents' happiness. You return to the organization in the company's biggest project as soon as the party thing is over. You think for a while "hey, back to business", but then, a co-worker tells you that she has been hearing that your boss is starting to have his doubts on your performance, and that he might just find someone else to fill in your position. Yes, your boss did tell you that you would be the one for the job, but neither he or you predicted that things would happen between the time he appointed you and the end of 5 months either. People change their minds, after all.

So what do you do?

I don't know either. It's depressing to think that something like this is happening to me right now, and sadly, I have no idea how to turn things around nor do I know if my position is still worth fighting for.

What ever happens, I shall accept. I shall bear no grudges. But what shall happen to my once happy heart, I do not know.

Time alone will tell. Come what may.

Magtatagalog ako kasi sobrang naiinis at nalulungkot na talaga ako. Itong mga nakaraang araw, hindi ko talaga maiwasang lubos na uminit ang ulo. Kasi naman, yung mga taong sumususod ay parang ipinanganak na sadyang sagabal sa buhay ng ibang tao, lalo na sa akin.


Sa unang tao, naiinis ako sa iyo dahil napaka unfair mo. Ayoko na magbigay ng detalyadong explanasyon kung bakit ka unfair kasi mahahalata na kung sino ka, at baka kung anu-ano pa masabi mo kung nabasa mo 'to. Ang masasabi ko lang sa 'yo, you're suck-ups on me won't work anymore after what you did. Kung mayroon akong alam na salitang isang daang beses na mas grabe pa sa "nakakairita", inireserba ko na yung titulong iyon para sa iyo. Iyong-iyo na talaga yun, wala kang kaagaw.

Sa pangalawang tao, iniwan ko sa iyo itong responsibilidad na ito dahil alam mong nung huling linggo pa ako sobrang daming ginagawa. Busy, ika nga. Pero anong nangyari? Bakit ako pa rin gumagawa ng dapat mong inasikaso? May sakit na ako't lahat lahat, pero bakit wala ka namang initiative? Magkapakita ka naman ng pakialam kahit minsan. Hindi ka mamamatay, pangako.

Sa pangatlong tao, isarado mo na yang bibig mo. I-mighty bond mo kung kailangan.

Sa pang-apat na tao, wag kang magmarunong sa mga mas nakakaalam, pwede ba? Akala ko pa naman magiging okey tingin ko sa 'yo. Alam kong natutuwa tayo sa kumpanya ng isa't-isa, pero sana hindi mo makalimutan ang pagiging professional. May mga hangganan na di mo dapat sinusubukang laktawan kasi baka mapakahamak ka lang. Wag mong ubusin pasensya ng ibang tao, dahil meron pang mas grabe ang inis sa iyo kaysa sa akin.

Sa panlimang tao, hindi kita susuportahan hangga't di mo pinapakita sa akin na karapat-dapat ka para dun. Marami ka nang taong ininis, sa tingin mo ba sila kami pa ang may sala dun? Gamitin mo naman utak mo, yung totoong gamit ah. Alam kong alam mo ibig kong sabihin. Sana naman yung mga desisyon mo ay nakaktulong talaga, hindi yung ikasasama ng loob ng marami.

Sa pang-anim na tao, hindi ba't kung gusto yun ng kaibigan mo at alam mong di naman makakasama sa kanya ito, dapat di mo siya pinamumukhang bobo sa mga gusto niya? Ano bang problema mo ha? Baguhin mo nga yang paghusga mo... Tuwang-tuwa yung tao sa nangyari tapos pagtatawanan mo ang nangyari. Maging kaibigan ka naman.

Sa pampitong tao, ang tanga mo, sa totoo lang.

At sa pangwalong tao, alam kong higit pa sa kampante ka sa sarili mong ugali at istilo, pero wag mo mamasamain kung sabihin ko sa 'yo na wag kang B.I. please.


Hindi ako sugudera at bihira lang akong magwala ng ganito, pero masama ako magalit. Inaamin ko ring duwag ako dahil kahit kailan, di ko magagawang sabihin ang mga kakalimbag ko lamang dito. Sa mga makakabasa nito, wag kayo masyadong mag-isip, dahil kung tutuusin, napakageneral ng nakalagay dito. Pero kung may natatamaan, aba, sinasabi ko nang baguhin niyo na yan kasi baka mamaya kayo talaga tinitira ko. At kung may nakakabasa diyan na pakiramdam nila'y hindi sila yung pinapatamaan pero sila naman talaga, bahala ka sa buhay mo.

Pesensya na, talagang di ko na talaga macontain ang galit ko eh. Umuulan pa, talaga naman oh. Lalo tuloy nakakadepress. Salamat, inang kalikasan.

This line definitely seems to make its point in my life right now. Why? Let me tell you about this one friend of mine.

Our friendship dates back to when we were just kids. I never talked to her much until we reached our teens. I tell her everything – family concerns, matters of the heart, stories at school, problems, everything and anything. We’re alike in many ways as well. We sing, we dance, we’re both madrama, we can be the noisiest people around – just to name a few. Yes, we’ve become quite an inseparable tandem since then, and our friendship can only get stronger each day.

But in the course of our journey as friends, there have been events that posed a threat to our friendship – events which we have no control of. She got the part I wanted to play, she was chosen over me to be the emcee of this event, stuff like that. Sure, I was happy for her, but I wished I could be happy for me too. I always had a feeling of inferiority after getting I hear she gets to enjoy the things I want. There’s the “what’s wrong with me” sort of feeling, you get it right? Anyway, this hasn’t happened in the longest time, so I thought I’ve seen the last of it. It was too early to assume that pala.

Just this month, the same ugly feeling hits me again. She gets to dance the Sayaw sa Bangko – a dance I’ve always wanted to do since I was in high school. Great.

I was with this friend and another friend when my mom broke the news (she will teach this dance). My mom told me I couldn’t do the dance because this friend of mine was lighter than me and in her own words, “masyado kang mabigat, laki-laki pa ng legs mo” (Hello, I’ve been an athlete since I was 6. What do you expect?). I contested to what she said and told me I wasn’t heavy, but this friend of mine added “ikaw kaya pinakamabigat sa amin”. I was hurt, seriously. I know I’m the heaviest of this group of friends, but in my high school barkada and even in the fencing team, I’m one of the smallest and the lightest. Besides, the person who danced this back in high school way heavier than me – it would be illogical to think that she can be carried but not me. I was hurt for that reason, and it even hurt more that I won’t be dancing the dance I’ve always wanted to. Natawag pa akong mabigat. She should have just said that my friend’s lighter than me. Tapos.

I have nothing against this friend of mine at all. I love this friend to death. It’s the people who make these choices for us that bother me. I know there’s a fault on my part because I’m taking this too seriously, or I’ve just wanted these things too much. Maybe there’s a lack of skill on my part too. I’m not saying that I’m better than my friend or that I deserve more credit than what she gets. All I’m saying is that I want to be given a chance too. To her this may not be a big deal, but to me, every single thing she got was something that will forever remain a frustration. My friend and I were never the auditioners, nor were we ever the judges. We never had to decide which of us gets what, so it’s not entirely our faults.

All I’m saying is that there should be even opportunities for everyone, not just in my case. There are so many talented people in our group – performers, musicians, and even hosts. But I don’t think their talents would be appreciated if they weren’t presented with the opportunity to or forced into a showcase of their talent. It’s the “anjan naman si ano eh” or “eh nahihiya ako/yun” attitude of both the judges and the judged that makes their talents go unnoticed. Don’t you think so? But as another song from Wicked goes, "you can't have all you ever wanted". Well maybe so. Maybe I'll have to live by this for quite a while.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just having one of my selfish episodes. Or maybe it’s just all the algebra and accounting getting to me. I'm sorry, this was stupid of me to say.

This will pass just like every other thing in the past, I’m sure.

I've been silent about this, but I've had enough.

Here's the thing. I told this something to only my closest friends and the people I trust months ago. To cut the crap short, it got around, and to my surprise, even to an org I left a year ago.

How the hell are these issues spreading?! I don't get it. I really don't. It never crossed my mind that there'd be even one person in my pool of most trusted friends who'd defy my trust. I know it was my mistake on trusting too many people. I haven't been watching my mouth and now, I don't even know who to blame. I have a few suspects, but suspects are all they'll be unless if by some miracle they decide to fess up. I'm to blame, I know.

This time around, I'll shut up. I mean it. I've had enough of this. I don't want people to say "ikaw diyan yung tiwala ng tiwala tapos ikaw rin magrereklamo". No, it's not going to happen again.

Have you ever regretting wishing for something? I am.

For once, let it not be my friends who spill the beans to this oh-so-cute guy. For once, let the guy not be a feelingero after finding out. It would be so much easier of things were the other way around wouldn't they? Well, that's exactly what's happening with this guy I like now. Yes, my friends had nothing to do with this. I gave myself away indirectly because of the way I acted. That's just according to my friends though. And, yes, the guy didn't become a jerk. Great, right? WRONG. I got what I hoped for, but the thing is, I'm not sure if this is what I really wanted.

I've been crushing on this guy for some time now. I've been able to talk to him a lot lately, but I've been a bit shy around him. Things were okay between us until he and another friend crack this joke that I looked like a boy - the Hanson brothers to be exact. It was because of what I was wearing that day, I guess. He even said I was like a brother to him because he didn't have a brother. I hated what they said. I even started to think that there was something wrong with the way I dressed, acted, or who I hang out with (I'm with guys most of the time). It was just at that moment though, I my friends told me that it was all crap from people who think I'm cuter when I'm mad. They might just also be saying that 'coz they know every guy I've liked in school is gay/effeminate. They also reassured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, masyado lang daw akong nagpaapekto sa hirit nila.

I know I'd be able to talk to my other friend about that little joke, but not to him. I told myself I'd never wear pambahay around them anymore para wala na silang masabi and that I'd be a little more withdrawn (good luck naman dun) when I'm with them.

Anyway. He and I are classmates in one subject this term. This week, I was supposed to meet up with a common friend of ours right after this class, and so did he. It's a friend thing na magsabay sa paglakad if you're going to the same place, but I wanted to go ahead to avoid awkward conversations. I wasn't able to though because the elevator closed when I got out of the classroom, so he was able to catch up. I was really quiet around him, but talked to every single person I knew who passed by us as we walked to EGI. He talked to me and I answered, but I wasn't as makwento as before. He even threw in a compliment every now and then, and I just smiled. I was quiet.

It was different when we got to our common friend though. I couldn't help but talk, talk, and talk. To our friend that is, not to him. My natural bubbly side got the better of me and it kinda slipped my mind that I'm trying to be quiet. I think it went well though - I THINK lang ah. I have to give myself credit for at least trying to, right?

He left early because he had class, which left me and our friend. I talked to her about how bad I felt after the joke he and my other friend cracked about me. "I was offended because he said I was like a boy", period. But this common friend seemed to have understood the situation as "I was offended because he said I was like his brother" - which to me is better understood as "I don't want to be just your brother". I didn't mean that at all - all I was trying to say was that it hurt being seen as a boy. She told me afterwards about their conversation nights before:

Friend: May mali kang sinabi kanina!
Him: Huh?
F: Kahit ako pag sinabihan ng ganun maiinis ako.
H: Teka, ito ba yung kay Jenn?
F: You do know that she likes you right?
H: Yeah. It was just a joke, it didn't mean anything.

Okay, he knows. This time, it was my fault for being so obvious like my friends said. He didn't even become a feelingero because he still talked to me. I still ask myself though: is this what I really wanted to happen? I can't give out in detail everything that's running in my head right now, only the friends I trust most know. These thoughts are way to embarrassing and malabo. But what I can tell you though is that things might have been better off as they were - with madaldal friends and feelingeros.

SO... As the old saying goes, be careful what you wish for. You might get and regret it.

It's been 19 wonderful years since I was brought into this world. This last birthday has been absolutely fantastic. All the people who mean most to me there plus their little surprises have given my birthday weeks and extra special something. I threw a mini-party in Yellow Cab iwth my teammates too for three reasons. One, because it was my Birthday the week before. Two, it's officially been a year since I joined the team last June 12, 2007. Three, plainly because I missed the team and the Yellow Cab Birthday tradition. To add to that, all three of my wishes came true - yes, even wish number 3 (refer to previous entry). Thank you everyone, I couldn't ask for more.

My best friend, Alliv, put together a bunch of clips of the stuff that happened during training on my Birthday. Out lame attempt on making a video blog's there as well. I saw it only days after the posted it. Turns out the surprise didn't end at cakes and balloons. If you're my friend, you'll know why *wink wink*. Watch:




But with all this happiness comes yet another Jenn Agustin distress signal. My camera (DSLR) and everything in its bag was stolen last June 20... It was stolen at Chilli's by two well-dressed men who just sat by the tables next to my dad's and left. My dad told me that he took the camera out to take a group picture while waiting for dessert, and after dessert, the camera was gone. The waitress said there were two men who came in. One of them sat down and the other one asked about the game on TV, then they left. My mom supposed that while the waitress was being distracted, the man sitting down pulled the camera bag with his foot.

It's out of my conscience because I wasn't the one who lost it anyway, but I felt horrible when my dad broke the news to me. I thought of the two sets of pictures I haven't uploaded yet (Tuesday training and Yellow Cab Thursday) and how much I was attached to that camera. I cried myself to sleep - something I never thought would be possible. I looked like crap when I woke up the next morning. Like I told my friends, para akong namatayan.

But looking on the positive side, there must be a good reason why that happened, right?


Moving on.

I've been hanging out with Kate, Migs, David, Alvin, and RG a lot lately.

Last Thursday was Yellow Cab day with the fencers. I invited Alvin to join us, then he told me RG's coming too. Coach Galo, Ferms, Alvin, RG, and I rode home with David. Yeah, we were able to fit ourselves in the car. haha...

I had make-up class in MANPERS last Friday and so did RG. RG's friends weren't there and I had nowhere else to go, so we had lunch in Sherwood. David and Migs followed. Migs and I went to David's house after to kill time while waiting for Therese. It was my first time to go to Daivd's house. We played Guitar Hero for the first time too! Grabe, ang kulelat namin ni Migs nung una. haha... Guitar Hero's a must play for me now. I'm definitely going back to David's house to play it again. Migs and I played with the webcam on David's new (tiny) laptop. It's his tatak manliness.



jenn-dork and migs-dork
more photos HERE

Saturday was the day I felt really down after what happened to my camera. David met up with me, and we met up with Kate and RG in Starbucks after. We had dinner in Cantina then I went to David's house to play Guitar Hero. RG went home to get his guitar and me and David picked Alvin up. I played Guitar Hero for a while, but I got too drawn to Solitaire. haha... It was already quarter to 9 when we finished. I had to be home by 10 and David still had to pick his mom up in Q. Ave. There was no way David could get me home by 10, so RG brought me home instead. We listened to RG Connect, the playlist in his iPod with all his songs from his Fahrenheit days. I was wowed when I heard the song he played, sang, and composed for TREDTRI. Ang ganda ng boses niya! And thanks for bringing me home RG! I'm gonna finish that playlist sometime.

Classes were suspended for nothing yesterday - no rain, no flood, no heavy winds. It was another Guitar Hero day with the same people! Kate was with us too. It was her first time to play Guitar Hero. She kept shouting, and you can just imagine how hard Alvin and I were laughing at we counted how many times she kept saying "fudgie brownie". haha! We also had four Pizza Hut pizzas for just 1k thanks to the Palm Card. That day was a lot of fun, I hope we get together again soon!



three guitars? nah.
David just changed the black thing to pink
more pictures HERE


I have no classes today either, super long weekend! I'll be doing accounting in a while, bummer. 'Til next time!

No, it's not because of a guy.

I never really thought of it (let's just call it an it for now) being possible for me. I never even used to care if it would happen. So why do I care all of a sudden? To be perfectly honest, I don't know. I don't know who or what about it really bothers me, but what I do know is, I have myself to blame.

Inaamin kong malabo talaga yung rason kung bakit ako nalulungkot. I didn't I guess my hopes just flew past their borders. Di bale na, I'll make myself worthy to be included next time.

My body still hurts from training last Monday... I'm sore all over, not just my legs now. I think I did a little better though, konti lang naman. And I was really happy because Joyce, Gazel, and Michael started training too! Too bad Ross wasn't there. I'm hoping the five of us (or more!) will train later at 3.

Anyway, my luck hasn't changed one bit since Saturday. I'm still under a lot of bad luck, but I did find my necklace though (the one I lost in my previous entry). I'm not mentioning everything that's been happening to me since Saturday anymore, you might not hear the end of it.

So I failed OBLICON. I didn't cry about it anymore because I knew it was coming. My GPA for that term is 1.750 only, which pulled my CGPA of 2.333 down to 2.263. It's not as big as my 2.640 to 2.307 shift though, so I think I'll get by... My grades just keep getting lower and lower, and to think I almost made it to Dean's List before... I guess I'm the only one who can answer "what's happening to me?". I have a pretty sure answer, and I'm not liking it at all. I have to pull my grades up next term...

My mom. Umagang-umaga pa lang sinisigawan na ako. WTH. It's times like these that I wish I were in the dorm where that irritating nag tone is miles away.

Then there's my dad. I mentioned in my previous entry about him being open to my driving to school thing, but just yesterday, he took it back ans told me to stay in the dorm. All these fantasies of me driving down Taft Avenue were forced to exit by these little clouds of anger - namely WTH, ButYouSaid, SlamTheDoor, IWishYouStuckToYourWord, and SilentTreatment to name a few. But what did I say? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nor did I do anything that could have shown how pissed I was to hear that from a man who practically controls my life. I want to shout all this out, but I can't... I can't cry it all out either. My dad had put so many restrictions on me EVER SINCE I DISCOVERED MAKING DECISIONS, and now I think the past I let go of is racing through my mind once again because of the car thing... Gahh... I'll stop here, baka kung ano pa masabi ko tungkol sa tatay ko eh...

Thank goodness I have my brothers to talk to. Sure they're not perfect little angels, but I know I could always run to them if something's up. I have our maid, Ate Tess, to talk to too. She's one of the first people who I talk to when I have problems with my parents.

All I want to do right now is see my teammates and coaches. They never fail to make me feel better by just being there. I want to see my friends and leaders in Young Women too. I'm done playing this bad luck game. Can it end now please? Tama na...

It's 12:12 in the morning, and still, I'm sooo overwhelmed by all the bad luck I had yesterday. *rolls eyes* THIS SUCKS BIG TIME.

I've searched the whole house for my fencing shirt with the "En Garde, Pret, Allez" on it, but I still couldn't find it. I'm sure it isn't in the dorm, I've checked my small room twice. Wala talaga. Kathy has a lot more of them though, so I could always buy another one. This is the least of my concerns.

Next there's this super cute necklace I bought online. It arrived just last Monday, and already it's lost. I remember putting it in my cabinet after trying it on, but when I looked for it a while ago, I wasn't there. WHAT THE THE HECK'S UP WITH THAT?! What a lousy time for it to get lost...

Then there's my favorite Nancy Drew book, The Secret of Shadow Ranch (book 5). As I remember it, our maid borrowed that book. She was out a while ago, so I went to get it from her room myself. I found a Nancy Drew book under her bed all right, but it wasn't book 5 - it was book 1. I was like "HA?!", so I asked her when she got back to the house and she said that book 1 was the one she had all along. WHAT?! Okay here's the thing. I remember going in her room, seeing book five there, and her asking if she could borrow it. I remember being hesitant because I haven't read the last few pages yet, but I allowed her anyway. I'M SURE OF THAT because it's my favorite book, and especially because It's Nancy Drew. And now I find out that book 5's missing?! IT'S MY FAVORITE PA NAMAN. *hits bed with fencing blade*

Then there's the Ultra thing. I've sooo been looking forward to Friday because I'd be training as a foilist for the second time. Last Tuesday, Coach Ramil said the next time he'd train us in Ultra is Friday, so I went to Ultra yesterday all excited about training. I was 30 minutes late for training because of the traffic, but Coach Ramil wasn't there when I got to Ultra. I sent him a text message asking if he was coming. HE SAID HE WASN'T. Syempre wala akong magagawa diba, andun na ako eh. I SHOULD HAVE GONE DIRECTLY TO MEGAMALL NA LANG TO SEE THE CAR SHOW. Sayang oras eh... I trained anyway, but just a little footworks and bladeworks. Oh well, Monday na lang ulit...

There's been... Err... Some good things about today too, but I'm just too fixated on the bad things, sorry.

And I did get to see that car show in Megamall with my Dad, Mom, and Lester. I'll blog about it and post pictures some other time when I've calmed down...

Oh and would you look at that, I found out just now (as in this second) that I failed OBLICON. Yey *rolls eyes and hits OBLICON book with both foil and sabre blades*... WOW. GOOD MORNING JENN.

My dad, my two brothers, and I got back from Church at around 12 like we do every Sunday. My mom wasn’t with us because she has to attend a meeting in Church, so we went home ahead. I usually bring my Church bag up with me to my room when I change, but this Sunday, our couch downstairs seemed to be calling “sleep on me” that I dozed off for a while. I was called up for lunch, so I left my bag and my sandals downstairs and decided to bring them up and change after I ate.

I forgot about my bag and my sandals until I got up to my room. I was really sleepy and was too lazy to go down two floors, so I decided to put off getting my bag and sandals (even dressing up) until I woke up from my nap.

Big mistake. When I woke up, I looked for my phone and saw my bag already in the living room (second floor). I figured my mom might have brought it up from the guest room (first floor) when she got back from Church. When I opened it, the contents of my bag were messed up. My phone wasn’t there either. I tried remembering if I took it out of my bag, but I clearly remember not taking it out. I borrowed my lola’s phone and dialed my number. What I heard next made me want to faint – SUBSCIBER CANNOT BE REACHED. Oh no. I NEVER turn off my phone, nor go anywhere with it on low battery. I asked my mom if she saw my phone, and told her that it was missing from my bag. Usually, my mom would give me an ordinary “no”, but this time, she seemed a bit worried and stern. I went back up and searched everywhere, and after giving up, my mom told me something that left me pale-faced.

When she got back from Church, she saw that the door was left ajar, and the contents of my bag were scattered in the guest room. She just put everything back in my bag and brought it to the second floor. My mom knows I never leave a mess behind, so we concluded that my phone got stolen. What’s worse is that the robbery happened INSIDE our house.

I started crying when I realized what just happened. Think of it – a robbery inside the comfort of my very own home. To think I was telling my Dad just last Saturday how much I loved my phone no matter how old and rickety it is. I’ve had that phone for three years, and have no plans of changing it at all even if it does have a lot of problems and I’ve dropped it numerous times. I even told him that it’s going to be with me for many years, and now it’s gone.

I don’t ever leave things on the first floor except for shoes. I even carry my laptop and bag full of clothes no matter how sick I am. The temporary guard wasn’t there either, it was his day-off. Of all days, why today? Aside from the worry caused by the loss of all my contacts, messages, pictures, and personal notes there was another worry that I was overcome with – our family’s security. Now that this happened, there’s no telling if this robber would be back. If this person would be back, would we be as lucky to lose just one cellphone?

On the positive side, I’m thankful it was just my phone that got stolen. My money and earrings (which sentimental value being what I wore during my debut) were still in my bag, and nothing else in the house got stolen. As the saying goes, things happen for a reason, and I think I know what this reason is. The theft happened sometime between 12-3, right before my mom got back from Church. If the robber didn’t see my phone immediately, this person might have taken more time to look for something to steal, and my mom might have caught up with him/her inside the house. If the robber saw my mom, who knows what could have happened? I wouldn’t want to think the worst anymore, but that goodness it was just my phone. Also, losing a phone means the coming of a brand new one, so I think you know what I’m thinking. I guess it wasn’t all that bad. It could have been worse, after all.

Starting now, we will ALWAYS lock the door as long as there’s no one keeping watch on the door. Meaning, the door will remain locked even with a permanent guard on duty. My mom will give all of us our own key to the main door so that we can lock and unlock the door when needed. It’s a small sacrifice compared to what could happen in case another robbery happened again.

So what did I learn? I learned that even in our quiet neighborhood, our family’s still vulnerable to thefts. I learned that I have to keep my valuables where I can easily see them. I learned never to rely on my phone alone – I have to keep hard copies of everything important stored in my phone, especially the contacts. I learned how far my parents would go to keep our family safe (trust me, having our own key to the main door wasn’t the most drastic measure they thought of for security). In short, I learned to be more careful.

These are indeed desperate times. Think of the risk this person put in entering private property. Let this serve as a reminder to all of us to never let our guard down. We may not always be as lucky.

To the person who stole my phone, please take care of it. Mamamatay na yan, kaya gawin mo makakaya mo para tumagal pa buhay niyan. You picked the wrong phone to steal, you’d be better off buying a new one that having mine repaired. Sana man lang tinira mo yung sim card ko, tatak La Salle pa naman yun. You have my phone now, so please STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY, YOU JERK.

I haven't blogged in ages. Though things have gone well since I took a break from blogging, I'd have to say otherwise for the things that have been happening for the past two weeks.

One. I don't know if I'm just wasting my time attending training every Tuesday and Thursday from 3-6. Yes, fencing. I'm giving up on myself already. I've been training for 7 months now, and I don't think I'm getting any better. I can't get my en garde right, my free fencing sucks, and I keep mixing my taekwondo skills with the stuff I'm taught in fencing. Makes me think - do I really know what I'm doing? Also, we're all told to train in Ultra everyday until UAAP, but I don't think I have the right to be there. I'm saving my dignity - I'll look like an idiot training there when I'm doing everything wrong. I'll bring to shame to myself and my teammates. Best not train there for the meantime. With all this said, I somehow find myself to confined to what I believe - fencing is not for me. The words of encouragement I get from my friends don't seem to stick to me anymore. Hmm... Is it because I've been right all along? Geez.

Two. HIM. Yes, a guy is bothering me. I've long been suspecting that he was gay, but still hoped that I was wrong. I hoped that maybe he was just a metrosexual or something. I kept joking to my friends "iiyak ako pag nalaman kong bading siya". Guess what? It came true. Just yesterday, I found out that he is gay. I know almost every guy I ever liked in school is gay and I didn't mind, but this one's different. I can't explain why I likeD him so much, I just do (how much I likeD him is another story though). This is one time I wish I weren't right. Just so things are clear, I wasn't crying because I know I wouldn't ever get into a serious relationship with him (believe me, I knew that from the very beginning). I just didn't want him to be gay. Nanghinayang lang rin siguro. He's not good looking, but there's more to him than meets the eye (yes, for once di ko siya nilalait). This has gotta be my all-time low. Silly me for making such a bad joke.

Three. I can't take in your bossy know-it-all attitude anymore. You know who you are. What's more is that there are others who don't seem to appreciate your terms of endearment very much. Please, try not to come out to strong okay? You're my friend, I wouldn't want something this shallow to ruin our friendship.

Four. Seeing a guy fall out of a girl's flirting prowess ONCE is bad enough, but seeing is TWICE is too much. Don't you think so?

Five. March 17, 2008 is something to celebrate - it would mean I've survived a whole year after my dark ages. Why? Click HERE (March 16, 2007 entry). If you want to, you can read the entries before that too. March 16, 2007 only marked the end of the rumors, but the things that happened before and on that dreadful day still haunt me every now and then. I'm seriously going to indulge myself in anything I want to eat or buy on this day and let me finally say "it's over". No more paranoia, please?

Six. My COMALGE section was dissolved last week. This is a problem for me because this is a prerequisite to a lot of subjects. I might even have to take summer classes. Delayed, Delayed, delayed (for the second time).

Not everything was been this bad, in fact you wouldn't see a trace of sadness on my face for the past months. I have a new home, I've started attending Institute, I have new friends, and the list goes on. I was just greatly affected by the things that have been happening lately.

I'm sorry for being overly dramatic. I know I promised myself I'd make this year a better one, but maybe I'll have to put that off (again) until... Hmm... Say, next month? -__-" I gotta get back on my feet again.


I know I'll get through this. I've got my loved ones nearby, what more will would I need?

I think I know why I'm having such a bad feeling. I really do think I know why.

Let me start off with things I remember that people have told me:

"Jenn ang cute mo, para kang bata."
"Jenn you're such a kid."
"Mukha ka pa ring 13 years old."
"Di nagbago itsura mo mula grade six ah."
"Di ka pa rin tumatanda Jenn."
"18 ka na?!"

Seems cool right? Now take a look at this:

"Cute ni Jenn, maharot lang."
"Ayokong sabihin, baka hindi mo makayanan eh."
"Grow up little girl."
"Be sensitive. You're already 18."
"Wala lang mas masarap lang makausap sa mga seryosong stuff mga mature people."
"You'd just be good old Jenn with fairy tale like ideas."

My friends have told me stuff like this over and over and I just take it all in. I don't know why I suddenly popped and got tired of it all of a sudden.

Stop. Alam kong mahaba pasensya ko, pero tama na please? I'm tired of being treated like a kid. 12 years is enough, but 18? That's going way overboard. It's your treating me like a kid that makes you believe I am one. How do you expect me to grow up if you won't allow me to? I'm okay with being treated like a little sister, but please, not like a 5-year old naman.

Look. I still do cry and whimper at times. I look, jump, scream, and even talk like a kid sometimes, but it doesn't mean I am one. Have you ever tried to tell me things a kid would never understand? No. Do you really think I'd expect a fairy tale romance and a knight in shining armor? FYI, hoping is different from expecting. I'm not in preschool, you know. Do you think that I justify my acts as though I were a kid who just said sorry without realizing what I'd done? It's not like that at all. I'm more mature than you think.

Listen. Please listen to what you're not hearing. It hurts me to know that you think wrongly of me, especially since you're my friends.

Matamaan na ang matamaan. Sorry, I just can't take it anymore.

I'll (try to) do away with my childish antics, just give me time. I'm sorry for making it seem like I was okay with everything when all this time it wasn't.

I'm 18 years old, deal with it. It wouldn't hurt to start treating me like one.

I don't want to go home. I'd rather bear with the noise of the barristers here in the dorm than be in the same room with one of my brothers or my dad.

Everything's falling apart, and I don't know what to do.

I used to talk to my brother, Lester, a lot. That was before he spent all his time with his girl, especially on the phone. Now, it's as if I don't even know him. There's nothing I can do about it anymore. Okay, I tried, but the stubborn kids won't listen, and if even they do, they take it in the most immature way. Bahala na sila. Basta right now, they are ill-supported by me.

Then there's my dad. Ever since I failed COMALGE, I feel like we've drifted apart and that he started looking down on me. The burden of failing after 17 years of success is bad enough for me, and he makes it even worse. I was honest with my dad, and what happened? It's as if he always finds a reason to be mad at me. I will shift so I'd never have to take that subject again, and he's still mad. Anong gusto niyang mangyari?!

My mom? Well, she's okay and I still get to talk to her. Medyo play safe na nga lang ako kasi isa rin yang fragile eh, ang daling magalit.

I'm lucky to have my youngest brother, David, around. It's only now that I'm becoming close to him because I used to hate his super childish behavior, but he's matured all of a sudden. It wasn't just me who noticed that. Our maid (and my ate), Ate Tess, is also one I can talk to about anything. They are the only reasons why I look forward to going home.

Seryoso, lumalaki na yung hinananakit ko sa pamilya ko. It's wrong, but they're giving me all the reasons to.

I still don't want to go home. Alliv, paampon na lang.

So much has happened over the past months - things I've been proud of, and things that I just want to throw away forever. Emphasis on forever.

To tell you the truth, things haven't been going well for me lately. I've been in worse situations for me to start crying like a baby again. Dunno, maybe I'm just getting used to the feeling. Oh no.

What's seriously bothering me now is my shifting. Right now, I'm majoring in Political Science & Business Management. I've never enjoyed Political Science, but had to take it because it was what my parents wanted me to take before going off to law school. I've been bearing with it for almost a year (including prerequisites), and still continue to believe that my course wasn't for me at all.

Last Thursday, I finally decided to talk to my dad about shifting. In the end, he agreed, but it was a really long discussion. Ang dami pa kasing sinabi eh. I was like "What's a term of 6 units gone to waste compared to a whole lifetime full of paranoia and regret that I didn't graduate from the fight course?" and he blames me that I didn't shift sooner. HELLO?! Dinikta ninyo na mag PolSci ako! I already told you before that I didn't want to take it up, pero pinagpilitan eh. So now it's my fault?! Sheesh. Basta. Ng gulo niyang kausap.

Ayoko na. Basta nagtatampo na ako at mukhang galit pa siya sa akin.

Ang gulo na ng isip ko ngayon. I'll edit this when I clear my head of all this rubbish.

After submitting your message, click "Tag" again to see your message on the board.

I'll give you honest answers, I promise! You don't need a formspring account to ask me something. My answers to your questions will be posted on my formspring profile.

old blogs
Blogdrive

add-ups
Plurk
Twitter
Multiply
Facebook
Friendster
Eskwela
Formspring

art & media
Flickr
deviantART
YouTube
Mediafire

others
Shelfari
My Brute
Candy Mag
Neopets Pet Page
Neopets User Lookup

friends
Alliv
Andrea
Cy
Gazel
Lester
Mollie
Paul
Ponching
Trish

online buddies
Nayo

Here's a list of things I want to do with my life. Hopefully, I'll be able to make most of these happen. I'll add more things as I come up with ideas.
43 Things