I didn't think I'd ever get to the point where I'd be crying about my grades again. This term has been worse than last term because I feel that I really will fail 12 units in La Salle. I'm failing COMALGE, HISTCIV, FILDLAR, and maybe even KASPIL2. It alarmed me at first because I thought that failing 15 units in La Salle could get you kicked out; thank goodness I had a lot of friends who told me that it doesn't work that way.

Kaya pa actually gapangin yung 6 units, but I don't know how good my chances are. Gusto ko na talagang umiyak.

What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I just have followed my flowchart? I should have listened to my mom... I already got a taste of these subjects early in the term and was given the chance to drop them, but why didn't I? I totally regret not doing so. *cries*

That's one thing that's been bothering me for the past days, but today's a new day, and another bothersome issue. I'd rather not talk about it here, but I already told a few of my trusted friends about it. I have to chose between dictates and what I feel. I feel strongly about belonging here, but people say that I belong over there. Here, I'm confident that I fit in (many people agreed to that), I'll be taught by a "zen-like" mentor, and I'll satisfy my intuition's belief. There, I have a lot of friends, get the chance to finally talk to someone, and get the awesome feeling of being hand-picked by this group's mentors.

I recall myself saying "kahit saan niyo ako ilagay okay lang" before when I was asked where I really wanted to be. Yet, here I am whining over what was already decided upon. It's not that I don't want to belong there, but when it was announced that it was where I was to be in, I felt the sudden urge to attest to the decision. The funny thing was that the pros of belonging there don't seem to matter much anymore.

I know, "listen to your heart" is gonna kick in again, but what if the dictates are right? I haven't, after all, always made the best decisions for myself. Sila naman yung nakakakita kung saan ako bagay diba? Why not trust them? Maybe I've just closed my mind on one thing that I've totally blind to the beauty of a whole new scene. On the other hand, it's not everyday that I get the urge to say that something doesn't seem right. These strong feeling come to me once every blue moon, but when I get them, I know I'm right. Should I trust myself this time? Feelings do affect one's psychology and outlook, after all.

I'm so confused. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much again.

I've decided to trust their decisions now, but if this feeling won't subside, I'd better start talking before I start regretting again. I hope the answer would come to me in a dream or something so this will be all settled in the morning.