Dear *Canon,

I want to bury you in my memories so I can finally move on and say you're a thing of the past, but unfortunately, that seems impossible at this point. What twisted spell have you cast on me to make me like you this much? It's been more than a year - one hopeless year. As David Archuleta's song goes, "I really don't know what to do, I'm just a little too not over you".

I think I know what's going on now. You had my heart all along, that's why it saw nothing but you. That's why I can't get over you. I locked my mind's door before you even had the chance to return it to me. This time, I'll accept that my heart is with you. I won't deny that I do like you. I won't push you away from my mind anymore, because I figured that the more I try to get rid of you, the more you'll keep coming back to try and return what you currently hold. Am I right? It'll be hard for me to move on if you keep coming back. I left the door unlocked for you so that the next time you drop by, you won't have to come back and try again... Just leave it anywhere I can easily find it, you're welcome to come in any time.

Just return it soon okay? I want my heart back. Don't forget.

***

What have you done? Oh boy, what have you done? You do -- err, something -- and suddenly turn everything into one huge guessing game. For your sake and mine as well, I won't put what this something is here. 3 people know, and I'm sorry if you would have rather not let anyone know, but guessing games leave me insane. Well, not as much as Math does though. haha...

Anyhoo, I don't know what to do about what these people advised me because I'm lacking one other crucial thing - a clear signal from you. Well, you could be sending out something, but I'm not sure if that's exactly what you're trying to tell me. I'm not sure if there is something. It's just too good to be true, that's all. Why? With all these -- restrictions? (gosh, it's hard to cover things up) -- it's certainly something I'd rather avoid... You make it very difficult for me to do, oftentimes making me feel that I want to forget these restrictions.

A friend of ours once asked me if I was happy liking you this much. I answered that it wasn't the happiness I was concerned about, it was more of what's supposed to be. As much as I'd like to simply forget or do away with these "restrictions", I can't. I can't put my reasons why here either, otherwise it would be too obvious to tell who you are, *Sherlock. I can tell you that these are things I deem silly, but somehow necessary. Oh gosh it's so hard not to write down exactly what I mean.

On the other hand, I have all the reasons I need to like you. It's bothersome that I have to restrain myself from falling completely, but I have to do it anyway. Why? I'm sorry again, but those reasons are between me and my 3 confidantes. I like you and all, but I need to feel around first if you are going to be another repeat of "history", if you get what I mean.

I don't how to organize this letter actually. Sort of like how confusing things are between us right now. So what exactly is going on? Please tell me for I don't know. Only you can tell me.

Again, what have you done? Oooh boy.




Oh myyy sleeping in the wee hours of the morning does WONDERS for me. I really need to fix my body clock ASAP. haha! Nakakaloka :))